The life of a teenage girl.

I lied.

2009-12-31T20:22:00.003+08:00

Ok fine. I lied.

For those who wants to read how my life was in 2009, here.

http://paradoxleben.livejournal.com/

And after that, the entries are all locked.

This will be the last entry,

So happy 2010 people!!

;)

Moved

2009-12-21T02:46:00.001+08:00

I've moved. Will come back once a while to walk down the memory lane.

So , people , I wont leak my url out.

Too fucking bad.

;)

She ...

2009-12-19T13:28:00.004+08:00

is very hungry !!

:(

loves Avatar. Syiok nak mampos! You guys should catch it. But have to hang on though, it's three hours loooooooooong!

spent the night out with ITE peeps for projects and BBQ and

also spent the night with Love.

cannot be bothered with certain people. So long ya, memories will shall stay as memories.

has a study date with J next week Tuesday. Believe that!

is also spending quality time with Familia this coming Wednesday. Heheh.

wants to spend her X'mas swimming and reading books with Love.

wants to thank Kat and Is for helping her team for their project. THANK YOU YA! :D

can't wait to get her hands on Nani's DSLR today! 500D siol orang tu beli. Kaya kaya kaya!

loves those handful of people that worth her time!

already miss Love , Hyun, Ralvin , J and Shakinah! :(

will be updating more, soon!

No title.

2009-12-17T15:33:00.003+08:00

I see myself updating this space of mine religiously. Which is good, no ?

I've been catching up alot with all of my girly girlfriends. Well, except for some like Estee! It has been awhile since I last heard bout her. I just talked to my darling Nadiah online. It has been months since we last chatted via MSN what more meet up and just .. talk!

It has been too damn long that she's now in a dating scene with someone ! The last time we had our time it was when both of us was still single and flying high. Now look at where we both are! Dating, smiling like never before and happier! THAT long man, THAT long.

I sincerely appologised to her for not keeping track of our routine talks like how we used to. But when we had our short conversation just now it seems we've never parted! I feel extremely happy for this girl of mine. Back in the dating scene, with much love , fights and devotion for her beau. I promise you babe, we'll meet up soon, really soon. Insyah Allah! In the mean time, enjoy your holidays darling!

And I made up with Ain. It was a nice conversation we had last few nights. I find it's silly to fight over immature stuff and let go of everything that we used to had and shared. Memories of being with her has always been lingering around. Truely, I was upset bout how things worked out between us. But it has been four long years that I've known her and in friendships, there are bound to be tiffs, misunderstandings and heart ache.

Deep down I know, I can count on Ain in all aspect. She as not as judgemental or screwed up like some people, which I thank God for. And I've decided to reconcile and carry on this bond with her like how we used to. So bebeh, we'll meet up soon ok ? For now, enjoy your trip Beh!

So from all of these, I've learnt that never to give up special bonds of friendship with any friends that you've had a long years with. That is , of course, if her attitude is not totally fucked and screwed up that you can never get along.

And on top of that, always talk to work things out. Talk like how adults do. ( Chey! ) It does wonders on how communicating well bridges the gap in any relationship at all. Trust me, I've been there and I've done that.

Eat your ego and safe what you think is best for you and your relationship with other people. It's worth eating your ego up. Seriously.

More, soon!

Click here and there.

2009-12-15T21:59:00.002+08:00

I've been clicking , alot!

The amount of money spent online just keep on increasing and it's scarying both the sister and me outta our shits.

As much as we want to save and curb our spending, boy was it a failure or what!

We must totally slowly stop our spending before the dad finds out. If he does, we're sucha rotten meat by then!

Anyhos, holidays have already kicked in! But let's not get too excited bout that, I've projects up to my neck. I kid you not! Wednesday and Thursday will be spent totally on LPD's project video. And next few weeks, will be dedicated to our HR project. Argh! Holidays are supposed to be HOLIDAYS. Not hell-of-a-days!

But on top of that, I've been getting myself into the relaxing mode already. I've started by reading books, waking up slightly early and turning in slightly late. I've future plans that are in my KIV list now. Hopefully my holiday will fall as planned!

You know, I told J the other day that when I sleep continously after twelve in the afternoon my body, they aches like no other! I've never felt these body ache before. I'm growing old. Really really old. I can never stay up till five in the morning now. I bet my last dollar on that! My God, my body's changing!

It must be due to the school, really. How to club like that ? Just last Sunday, I reached home at bout close to two and I fell asleep on my bed immediatly I placed my head on the pillow. Oh my God. Old, really reaaaaally old! But what to do, this is life, no ? Hahaha.

Nevertheless, happy holidays to one and all!

Alhamdulilah

2009-12-14T03:35:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulilah.

One of my longest known girlfriends has just got hitched last Saturday. It was sucha small yet meaningful affair for those who have known her and seen her through hell and back.

My prayers are with you both. Semoga sampai ke anak cucu ya! Insyah Allah, Amin!

Kat's portfolio photoshot went well despite the fact that the timing was a tad too rushing. Alhamdulilah, all three make up artists got what they actually wanted.

And alhamdulilah, Love and I, we still do have our tiny winy quality time even though the day wasnt spent entirely on us, but it's ok!

And alhamdulilah, I've finaaaaaaaaaaaly met this idiotic yet funny brother of mine and his beloved beau in tow!! It has been ..... six months since I last met him! Feer and Suria, I really really love looking at both of you. Sucha cute couple. Me loikeeeeeeee! Must meet up often ah ok? Perangai satu-satu tetap tak berubah ehk Feeroz Ameer. Heh heh heh.

Alhamdulilah, my TGIF night was spent with the bestfriends, Ralvin and Hyun. It was a night good for the soul I must say. We had our laughing , gossiping and sharing sessions. But we laughed extra hard that night, thanks to Ralvin's infamous joke. It was even more interesting when three of us decided to run for the bus despite the fact that we'venot been running for almost a year! ( Ok, except for me though, thanks to sports and wellness. But still!!) We were left breathless! Panting like mad cows on the upper deck of the bus wasnt glamour or funny at all. Anyhos, thank you two for the well spent TGIF night. I really love you both, ok ? :)

Alhamdulilah, syukur Ya Allah.

More, soon!

Enough is enough damn it!

2009-12-10T15:53:00.002+08:00

You know how some people just hate to see someone else happy ?

You know how some people just want to break you and your beau apart just 'cause he has one hell of a fucking fucked up past ?

You know how some people were just borne with pea brain size and thus leading them to think narrow mindedly ?

You know how some people who are just simply quick to judge and hurt others along the way ?

You know how some people who are your current beau's exes and they started to gossip and bitch behind your back bout your beau ?

You know what I call these people ?

Typical Malayu.

And when I gave a piece of my mind they label me a bitch ?

HOW FUCKING IRONIC , no ?

I'd rather be label a bitch than being labelled typical malayu, like seriously.

Being a bitch is way better than that.

Cause , firstly, I'm not a even a malayu to even begin with.

And secondly, a bitch knows how to get the facts right smack in your face but just through vulgarities and harsh reality intact.

You tell me , oh wise people with huge ass brains , would you rather be a bitch who knows your facts or typical malayu who sits around behind the computer and judge wrongly and have a very narrow minded brain ?

I'll be the bitch , hands down man hands fucking down!

I've had enough.

Doesnt mean he has one fucked up past means he's fucked up now, no ?

Please people, open up your damn minds. People change. From good to bad, from bad to worse, from bad to good. People change.

People fucking change. I'll fetch the dictionary for you if you STILL dont get what the fuck does People Change means.

After leaving sarcastic remarks on my Facebook page and when I came back firing you people with sarcasm and vulgarities, tahu tak leh angkat ehk.

Bodoh. Ini lah orang bodoh nak mampos. Kirekan aku boleh accept ah apa kau orang cakap , gitu ? Aku pun manusia bodoh. Tak ada hati ke ? Idiots. Down right idiots!

Please think this way, why the fuck am I with him when there's ton of guys awaiting for me ?

Why in the blue world do I believe and have faith in him when there's actually some other better and well-off guy than he is ?

Why do I do that ?
Why ?
I ask you why!

I bet you people wont be able to answer it.

'Cause hey, pea size brain people cant think much, no ? They tend to get tense and flare up without facts.

Look, I do not want to fight nor do I wanna have a cyber bully thingy going on.

But all I'm asking of you people is STOP being extremely judgemental on some levels. It hurts real bad for people around you. I cant hardly breathe when I read and know bout all of these.

It really sucks big time. Take a step back and ask yourself questions.

Think.
Analyze.
Reflect
THEN you judge accordingly.

Trust me, you'l be able to see a much bigger picture after that.

I know I cant stop people from saying or bitching behind my back but please do it out of my ear/eye shots.

How would my beau feels if he knows ? ( But too bad, he already knew)

How will makes a LADY feels if she knows people are being extremely judgemental ?

Put yourself in my shoes and see from my point of view.

I'm not saying that love conquers it all. But through being able to accept who he is and to actually love him like a real person, shows us that love makes both of us see the real deal here.

I've no idea how I'm able to accept him despite the fact that I knew bout his past.

I've no idea what makes me attracted to him so strongly till today.

Mind you, I didnt want hit it off with him.
I didnt want to meet him.
I didnt want to be of anything related to him.

But like I said, things changed.
Maybe through something ''magical'' happened that pushed me to actually agree to meet him that one fine Sunday.

And I'm glad it did. 'Cause being with him shows me I've the choice to know someone even more and know what they've been through. It makes me accept one for whoever he/she is. And it helps me bit by bit to not judge someone before knowing that person.

So you see people, you just have got to see the reality in a bigger view. Everything will fall into places, Insyah Allah, Amin.

And I know, life is not always bout roses, rainbows, laughters and smiles. We do have our fair share of heart aches, fights, ditching, cold shoulders but we made it through, Alhamdulilah Syukur.

Thus, all I'm asking is to NOT react the way you guys did when you guys saw our picture. Learn from it and apply it on your daily life. Insyah Allah, life will turn for the better.

But surely, I've had enough. One more time I sense these things with FACTS, you guys will be seeing more of me.

I wont be saying sorry to anyone 'cause saying sorry to what I feel just seems like applogizing for speaking the truth.

More, soon.

My weeks!

2009-12-08T14:49:00.011+08:00

So last Sunday was spent trekking over at the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. It was my second time trekking there with Love. The first was extremely memorable one, really. Just both of us and the nature. Nothing beats getting all sweaty and worn out after a long trekking day with the one that really matters.

Both of the outing holds significant meaning for both of us 'cause this is actually our first time doing something that we both love doing with our beaus.

Before him, all I did was, hang out, eat, movie, hang out, eat and movie. The same old shit with the exes but when it's with him, all my hunger for outdoor adventure has been fulfilled. I dont mind at all getting all sweaty yet having lots of fun near to the nature. God, I love doing it! And I thank God we both love doing it! It seems to us, we're gonna be doing this for quite often.

I got excited seeing all the trekking lines , hundreds of steps but he , he got excited seeing this bunch of monkeys. These monkeys were actually along the road side and they climbed up cars and bikes whenever they smell food. They were so near to us , I thought I could have just fainted when I saw them crossing the road!

You know when guys meet guys, they're lunatics. I dont know what both Ayu and myself got into when we were around them that Sunday. Sucha hyper men they were!

We saw this cool , old rusty tunnel in the middle of nowhere! Cool or what. Back then there were lotsa of tigers in Bukit Timah and these tunnels were used to be filled with tigers and their preys! Wooo nostalgic!
Kena feeling babe! Ini tempat , tak manyak orang tahu. CHEY!

Look at the breath taking background! It was really an amazing sight. I'm sucha sucker for these kind of nature gateaways. After weeks of urbanizations, we all wanted to just go away from it all and touch back down on earth. When we were greeted with these view, boy was I a happy soul or what!

Midget me. Big size him! Heh heh heh. Actually , a fail attempt in jump shot lah huh!

There big rocks , climbable big rocks that all of us climbed up. It was tiring and scary and tricky as well. Such a surreal experience! Breath taking views aint it ?

The couples retreat!

It wasnt easy ya know!

My Love!

Dairy Farm Education Centre. The cow so bloody cute please!

Drama mama much ? Hehe.

We found this old and only kampong house in the midst of trekking! We explored around and we saw, bath tub, toilets, dinning area, bedroom, kitchen. So interesting yet scary~

So last month was the month where Kat, Irna and Nirah graduated from Ida Offenhauser Makeup School. I was one of the few lucky ones to be picked as Kat's model for that pretigious event. It was sucha a grand and glamourous event that everyone there dress up to kill!

The make up skill that Kat had was painted all over my face. I really love it how the smokey effect brings out just right. And how the color of red yellow and green goes especially well together with the many feathers to go along with it. It was sucha superb job done by someone who doesnt know nuts bout make up before ;)

The after event. I looked like as though I'm supporting some soccer team! I lovelovelove how my hair looks like in here.

The overall look for Kat's second model.

No matter how glamour or good I look, I'll always have the tendency to create nonsense looks. Candid and me goes well together hand in hand. Heh heh heh. Mamat Setan and the smokey and birdy models.
Us, models, with the host Gia!
The looks of us throughout the entire event! :)

Us, the models, make up artist and with the lovely Akak Ida together for the last time that night.

Rambut satu-satu hanyut! hahaha.

Vogue habis tapi kaki ayam!

Kat's model!

So these two events were the hightlight of my October-November month. All these while my weekends were spent spending quality time with my familia , Love and friends. As much as that seems impossible , it's workable. I love how busy and occupied I am right now. It makes me feel more responsible and more independent somehow or rather. I know now how to priorities my life the way it should have been long time ago.

What's with studies and relationship with both familia/friends and him, it makes me all the more determine to be successful person who is able to juggle life as it comes. It may sounds crazy for an eighteen year old kid to say this but hell , this is how my life is now. Busy, occupied yet satisfying. I'm not complaining at all, which is weird. I love how everything falls into place.

Syukur Alhamdulilah Ya Allah. I cant thank Allah enough for giving me all of these. Despite the few downs I've been facing off late, life's still good. 'Cause , hey, life is not always a bed of roses but also when the downfalls come crushing in, it's how you react to it that makes you different from others.

So my people, carpe diem! Always remember to thank Allah everday for the opportunities that HE has given you to live your life and for the opportunties to make your life a better one each and everyday.

"Bersyukur lah sayang dengan apa kita ada. I bersyukur ada you, ada mak I, ada mak you, ada ayah you. Bersyukur lah'' he constantly said and that's why I need someone like him to make me come back down to earth.

More, soon!

Promise!

2009-12-03T15:55:00.002+08:00

In the past few months/weeks/days , I've been out and bout.

What exactly I do ?

Well, I've been trekking, cycling, modelling, shopping, partying, clubbing, visiting familia, studying, helping out friends, studying and more studying , trekking, and such.

I promise, I'll post up all the pictures here sometime soon. But that's gonna take a very long time.

So hold up!

True blue.

2009-11-30T17:14:00.003+08:00

You know how you just need that few people to keep you going?

How just those few selected ones are the ones that really worth holding on for the longest time ?

And you know how you feel loved, apperciated and cherished just being with these few people ?

Yeap.

I'm feeling that alright.

This bugs me all the time but I cant stop it from making me feel contented just by wrapping my life with just these few people ; you know who you are.

I dont want some ''other'' people to think they're neglected by me or simply forgotten by me when they are actually not, really. It's just that, I feel happier with those fewer people that I constantly talk and meet up with.

This has got nothing to do with the fact that I now have my own beau. No , not that.

This is bout holding on dearly to what or rather, who my friends really are. I can simply count with my two bare hands who are the ones truely , specially matters.

I told Hyun about it and she herself feels it. Someone said I can tell Hyun just bout everything and anything and I couldnt agree more. 'Cause why ? Friends, like her, are not judgemental. While others, are extremely judgemental even though they're your own friends.

I thought friends are suppose to be supportive of each other.
To not simply judge so quickly when they tell you what they feel or what they face or what they want in life.

I thought friends are suppose to be encouraging to each other.
Instead of pulling each other down and bitch bout one another behind each other's backs.

I told Kat bout it as well and she's far from being judgemental bout it but instead she understands.

And I'm really glad I've found these friends along the way. These are friends that I can really express out just bout everything in my mind while the rest of the friends, well, they are just out for fun and excitment. They're not the ones I can really tell what's in my mind.

These friends are the ones I can in turn , repay their kindness just by listening to their thoughts and concerns without being judgemental. These are the ones that I can really look up to in both sad and happy times alike.

I guess, I'm starting to be selective with whom I share my deepest thoughts with. And starting to be selective with whom I call my true blue friends.

The bond that I've with those selected fews are really special. I'll go an extra mile just to be able to sit with them over coffee and just ... chat just bout almost everything.

So you see, it's not bout me forgetting friends or putting my beau or family first and forget totally bout them. No! It's bout making a wise decision with whom I wanna spend my time with.

Would you rather spend your time with friends who are not worth it or with friends who are really worth your time ?

Would you rather spend time with someone judgemental or with someone who just takes your thoughts for who you are and than judge accordingly? Instead of just being fucking downright judgemental.

Whenever I come online, these are the few people that excites me and keep our chat running all around the clock if either one of us is not busy.

Whenever I'm stoning in the MRT, these are the people that I text and express how much I miss them.

I dont need friends who waits for me to make the first move.
I dont need friends who always assume that I have to satisfy their needs and sarcifing mine every single god damn time.
I dont need friends who judge me wrong without listening to me thoroughly.
I dont need friends who are just out to have fun and not being there for me when I need help.
I dont need friends who want me to give in single fucking time.
I dont need friends who dont understand that I need my own fucking space and time with my other friends and I certainly dont need friends who gets angry with me when their plan screwed the fuck up.

It's true what they say, Kawan biar ramai tetapi kawan yang sejati itulah sedikit jumlahnya.

And I dont mind, being with these people for the longest time 'cause being with these few friends, it's a life journey itself.

More soon!

:)

Hiatus.

2009-11-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Haji to one and all!

:)

Mixture

2009-11-25T15:54:00.003+08:00

Today makes me feels as though I'm in a mixture of feelings.

Dad turned fourty six when the clock striked midnight hours ago. My good 'ol man and good 'ol mother faced a small accident yesterday which was freaky. But nevertheless, they both recieved help from a friendly and helpful indian fella on the road. My mum was so shaken by the accident that she started crying seeing dad's blooding leg. That F1 wanna-be rider was in a daze when everything happend, but syukur alhamdulilah, both of 'em are fine.

My prayers are always with you dad. Always. I shant say more 'cause what have been exchanged face to face with you, is much more apperciated, no ? Just remember how fucked up or naughty we girls are, we still love you. Beside, who else would want to irritate you during your sleep if it's not us, yea ? Love you dad, we love you.

***

" It seems to me you mean it. Do you really want this break ?''
'' Yea. I cant take it anymore.''
'' I'm really sorry. But you're different.''
'' We need time to adapt to each other. But I've told you time again , you just wont listen. "
"I'm sorry."
" It's so hard to get through you. It's hard to get into you.''

Somethings can never change. And it breaks my heart hearing all these conversation been exchanged between us. I was hurt real bad and I can't take it anymore. It sounds weird but my heart and love grows stronger for you now but you're too thick to get through. I'm tired of saying the same thing. I'm tired of explaining myself over and over again. I'm tired of being judged wrongly. I'm just too tired to show how much you mean to me.

It hurts real bad when someone you love just dont have faith and just dont believe in you. I know how it feels when the whole world turns against you , that's why I've always been there. I've always believed in you. Having all my faith on you. But when it comes to me, who else do I want to believe in me if it's not you ? Whose faith do I need now if it's not yours ?

I dont ask for money.
For giving me all the materials.
For giving me all the luxuries.
I dont ask for all of that.
But all I'm asking for is believe me. Have faith in me and listen to me.

If that's hard , I'll take my leave. 'Cause I cant live like that.

Time Out

2009-11-20T14:25:00.002+08:00

'Cause now life seems busy yet satisfying.

Catch me on Facebook or text messages or emails.

I'm really relaying on my phone to get me updated with stuffs.

So, sooon.

Because..

2009-11-12T15:14:00.002+08:00

I miss you so much!

And when we had our long talk yesterday, my heart smiled.
My feelings were overwhelming when again, you expressed your feelings.
What was exchanged on the phone last night, remind specially ours.

:)

I want to bury my face on your chest again.
I want to hold your hands.
I want to watch you eat.
I want to look at you dearly when you talk.
I want to laugh at your riddles and jokes.
I want to feel your hands on my back.
I want you to squeeze my fingers.
I want to stand tall beside you.
I want to listen to you.
I want to place my hand on your cheeks.
I just want to smile.
And I just want to feel, breath, touch your love.

And thanks to you, my life is almost complete.
And thanks to you too, that I feel special and loved.

Thank you for being you.

Busy busy like beeee!

2009-11-09T20:44:00.003+08:00

My blog will see random and irregular updates.

From now till December 12, my weeks will be jam packed. Thanks to Life Skill and Tourism projects and four CA for each modules.

Every single week will be filled with tests, meetings and non-stop events. What's with HR weekly test, tourism mock test, Zoo trainings, meetings, competition. God, school can be sucha pain in the ass!

Hopefully, none of these will disturb my weekends. After five days of pure studying, it'll be just fine to set two days for my pure enjoyment and loved ones.

Anyhos, last night's event was specially grand! It was held in Meritus Mandarian Hotel. The whole atmosphere was unbelieveable rich, nerve recking and full of thrill! Kat did a great job in turning all three of us into beautiful models. Yes, even that applies to you to Mamat Da Devil! Heh heh heh.

We were all dressed to kill. With face filled with make up and feathers and killer heels, all we know what to that night was photo taking, being vogue and glamourous and more photo taking. Thanks to Is for tolerating with our demands. And thanks to Kat for picking us as her model. My virgin catwalk in from off all the well known make up artist consultant!! Fun fun fun!

One was from Fatimah Mohsin and one more was from Sasa and senior Make up artist and a trainer for international models. Imagine the excitement as well as nervousness we all faced whilst catwalking and making up the models in from of these crucial eyes. EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Fun yet scary!

Pictures, soon!

Ps: Me loves me GFLszx. Me loves familia. Me loves Love!

My week

2009-11-06T18:00:00.002+08:00

It started off with the wrong foot. Pretty shaky and extremely exhausting. But Alhamdulilah, it's Friday today and it seems to me it'll end well.

I'll be having a relaxing TGIF night at home. I guess tonight will be a night for familia and myself. This week was hell and I need tonight to catch up with myself. How weird that sounds but it's true. Havent been able to catch up with what's reallly good going on in my life 'cause tiffs with Love was really a big toll on me.

And on top of that Love and mum have been mentioning that I should stay in more often. Been going out and about with the normal kakis of late. The parents havent been seeing much of me, especially the dad. He's been up to his neck due to work. This week, only yesterday night I could really talk to dad, that was also in between my HR revision.

It's really sad to not be able to talk to your own dad. What more we both are living under the same roof. So I guess, Friday and Saturday are dedicated purely for them. It seems to me as well that I should alter my time management. Something must be done so I'll be able to be with my family, Love and friends. Studies are no doubt my everyday priority.

Ah, if only world's a tad kinder than it's already is. I'll be one hell of a happier girl. But hey, who am I to complain ? Just have to keep improving and living.

Anyhos, I've something big on Sunday. Well, it is not my gradution but I feel the jitters now! I'm all excited and scared for Kitty Kat Meowwwwwwwwwww. Hopefully she'll do great. No worries babe the models will cool you down!! Prayers are with you !

I'm sure all of us who are attending and the models ( ehem ehem!) for them make up artist will be having lotsa fun. I forsee catwalking( I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) photoshooting, laughters, silly candid moments and girlygirly night.

I'll be all heels and fulll ful fullllllllllllllllll of make up. Kitty Kat Meow, we are all yours this Sunday!!

See, I told you my week will end well. Insyah Allah, Amin!

PS: I've seen lotsa blog links reading my blog. Leave a tag ah ok? I know who you are ;)

More soon!

Fix.

2009-11-04T16:02:00.003+08:00

It takes time to fix one's heart and gain one's trust.

So, for as long as I can hold on, I'll let time do it all.

For I wouldnt be able to do much, beside waiting for you to faithfully hold me close and believe me without a doubt.

Stop.

2009-11-03T21:51:00.003+08:00

We both should stop doubting. Especially you.

'Cause I cant see myself being with you if you keep doubting me.

Our pasts are different yet similiar. We've been through hell and back. Truckloads of shit. Heartbreaking. Tears. And whathaveyous. Let's put all the lesson learnt together and make the best out of what we already have.

It's tiring. And exhausting. And I'm worn out.

Too worn out due to all your pushing me, doubting and stuff like that.

Stop pushing me to the next guy I met.
Stop saying '' What if bad things happened?'' or
'' What if we cant make it?''
or
'' What if things dont work out?''

Stop saying all of that. Do you know how hurt I feel?

I dont want to be with someone who things negatively.
Nor do I want to be with someone who kept pushing and beliving that I WILL end up with someone else other than him.

I wanna be with someone who believe in himself. Me. And us.
Us.
Believe in us is all that matters.
I wanna be with someone who lives in the moment with me and enjoy every little bit of our time spent.

All I'm asking is to stop doubting me. And start believing that we're in this as one.
Start believing me that I am here to stay. No matter what.

I dont ask for much. All I'm asking is just these.

Like I've said, '' I dont see the point why we should hope for this relationship. And I cant go on with you if you keep saying and doing these. It may sound hurtful but I just cant live with someone like that."

Everything's too much now. We need a break.

My days!

2009-10-27T20:27:00.008+08:00

Last Saturday, the girls and I, we had our Thank You Party. It has been awhile since I met all those party animals. So we had our party over in Meritus Mandarin. The food was average but the atmosphere was extremely high!

The girls and I, especially, Thanya, Hasvin, Sonia and Nitha, man , were the girls high or what! After much partying, the girls and I, hang out over in DXO. Chilling for awhile and off we head home.

Images are heavy.

Heh.

Before party.

''Shorty got low, low, lowwww''
This is what happened when us three got together.

Akak-akak clubbing tak menjadi! Hahahaha.

My dancing kakis! Now I really know how to call when I wanna hit the club! DECEMBER AH LAI! Ite mates.
Muka pecah at DXO.

DXO. Nitha still hyper! Heh heh heh.

They call her Thanya Love for nothing, CHEY! Hahaha.

The cute Hasvin and the hothotHOT Sonia!

When the girls hear music and when she's with her cliques of girlfriends, this will always happen ;)

On last Wednesday, I finally met Hyun!! It was sucha a good and peaceful nigh. Even though when the train ride home was especially fast , we had one good night for the soul! We had our never ending talks. From school to beaus to current friends to fashion to her fickle mindedness in choosing her major to the problems we both have to the feelings we both shared to our life in general. She's one of the few best girlfriends I can really open up to. We always make it a point to meet once in awhile despite the busy timing we both have. She with her never ending projects and me with my every week HR tests.

It sure feels good to know that someone I really hold on to makes the effort to have me in their life and just ... talk. Be it for couple of hours. And it sure makes me feel so apperciated and treasured by friends who have their thoughts with me.

Babe, thanks for that night, really. More of it soon ok? I really like the bond we're having now. Those same boat situation kinds. And did you realise we always end up smiling to ourselves at every end of the conversation. It was really soulful! ILY babe. HAHAHAH. *inside joke*

She calls these Last Import.
Hyunnyyyyyyyy.

Najyyyy.
The weather hasnt been that good of late , ya ? The mum's sick. Ina is sick. Grandma is sick. And I've been getting chills since this morning. Take care of yourself people, before falling sick. It sucks been sick really. I hate it when I'm sick. All enjoyment seize man! Argh.

Talking bout since morning, I was sucha in a suay boat! I lost my money. It was due to the rush morning I had. It wasnt that rushing but it was more like .. hectic ? 'Cause I was with my revision file and book, I grabbed the money from the table and just slotted it in my pants pocket which also has my mobile in it. It could be that when I wanted to take my mobile out my money slipped ? Could be.

If that's not bad enough, I studied soooooooooooooooooooo bloody hard and smart last night for Human Resource test but Rajah said he's cancelling the test. Thanks for making me, repeating my notes in my sleep, on the train and walking to school ok Mr Rajah? Thank you so much. Lain kali buat lagi. Tengok lah apa aku buat nanti hor! CHET.

On top of that, I was dreaming whilst trimming my eyebrow and it's not thin. Yes. Thin. Tipis. It looked like the first time Irna trimmed it for me. And God I look weird. Hahah. I remembered singing Already Gone under my breathe whilst trimming. Thanks Kelly Clarkson. You made me trim my eyebrow way too thinnnnnnnnnn!

WHAT A DAY RIGHT!! Please Allah, I know I prayed for more patience and tolerance, but please do make my up coming week a good one. Thank you Ya Allah. Amin.

More, soon! :)

That's the way.

2009-10-26T10:30:00.004+08:00

I had one hell of a time during my Friday and weekends.

I had Bridge leaders camp on Friday and Saturday.
Mum, Nani and I , watched Ina's Jack and the Beanstalk play over in Singapore Poly.
Mum had tears in her eyes when Ina actually held the mic and sang. And when the camera zoomed in her face, all three of us just filled with much proud. We love you kecik!
Went cycling with Love. From Changi till East Coast. Then we had our jogging session in East Coast and he made me sprint from one end to another. Kaki mcm nak putus! Nasib si dektu tukang urutkan. Sikit pun jadi lah. Heh heh heh.

So basically, my TGIF and weekends this week makes me realize that without friends, family and Love, I am nothing at all.

More elaborations, soon. :)

Good shocked.

2009-10-20T16:09:00.004+08:00

I came back home an hour ago.

I was yawning and browsing through Facebook before I submit an email. Whilst browsing through my Facebook, I was taken aback ; literally.

And that just set me smiling and awake all together.

I love you too Nobuteru Ayim Taniguchi.

Wasted

2009-10-18T11:55:00.001+08:00

Yeap. The girls and I , we were so wasted.

So bloody wasted even before we hit the club.

Pictures and more sooon.

Right now, after much partying, it's time to hit the books, family and Love.

Exciting Saturday night and relaxing Sunday. One of the many reasons why I love my weekends.

More, soon ;)

Attention!

2009-10-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

Things happened for a or many reasons. We may not know why it happened now. But in time to come, we will. All we need is the patience and high level of tolerance. And a little touch of faith here and there.

I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall just now. In which , the couple broke up bitterly even if they're into their fifth year together. Peter was extremely bitter and sad. He decided to hit out to Hawaii; a place where his ex have always wanted to go. Truth be told, they met again. To reconnect you think ? Nope. In Hawaii was where Peter finally realize, that life goes on even without his significant other of five years. In fact that's where his new life begins. He began to surf and pick up dating again. That's when he met the love of his life ; Rachel. And things fall into places; he has never been any happier than he was before. Life's beginning to change for him. For he finally knows after every heart breaks, it's one step closer to our true significant other.

If Sarah hadnt broken up with Peter, he wouldnt have travelled to Hawaii. And if he hadnt travelled to Hawaii he won't meet Rachel and he wont be the happiest man alive. So you see, there will always be a reason in everything that had happened and will be happening.

I notice, my surrondings are changing. People falling in and out of love. Stress out with school ; some even have thoughts of quitting school totally. Independent students trying their very busy to make ends meet due to financial issues back at home. Students facing their exams in a month time. I don't know what Allah has install for me but HE has given me all of these opportunities to be able to see the down fall of people's life and their happier successful moments. But I know what HE had let me see , is something that I can hold on to and be a useful lesson for the tiny part of my life.

So this is the lesson that I've learnt ; things really do happen for a or many reasons.

You've broken up with your beau. Life doesnt stop there. I know it's hard. It's insane. It's driving you nuts. It's killing and eating you up inside. But take it from me, experiences that doesnt kills you , it'll only make you a stronger better person.

You'll asked yourself, what did I do ? Was it my ego ? Or was it his ego ? I'm a control freak or am I not ? What is it that went wrong ? Everything's good before but why this happen ? The more you keep asking the more depressed you'll be. Quit asking for awhile. Take a step back and slowly ( and surely ) pick up your bits of pieces of life back. 'Cause life moves even if you want it to stop. Life doesnt stop for no man. Do you want to waste a day of your life to someone who has broken your heart when you can actually learn from it and find yourself in someone's arm - who is clearly way better then the previous beau of yours.

It's a tough path towards recovery, no doubt. I've experienced it too many a times. Be it first hand or girlfriends' experiences. Both ways, I feel the pain. But we'll get better, no doubt. All you need is to get your head up, pick up your mistakes and learn from it. If you dont learn from it, you'll find yourself stuck on the same damn boat.

Fall. Rise. Learn. Take risks.Live. Grow. And all over again.

One heart breaks leads to the next bittersweet journey. Dont ever give up 'cause only losers do. So to the girl that experience this heart breaking journey. Hold your head high up, slowly learn and realise your mistake and slowly move on. You'll grow and mature, surely. All you need is patience and a little touch of faith. You'll be fine my dear girl you'll be just fine.

Years ahead, you'll look back and realise that it was a good call that you took risk with the man you used to be with. 'Cause now, you're a better person in many different aspect and who knows, you're now in the arms of a man that truely deserves you just the way you are. Who respects you. Who loves you. Who cherish you. Who treasures you. Who apperciates you. So sweet darling, dont quit. Keep moving. Just remember, it happened for many reasons. It takes time for you to find out what are those reasons and how it leads you to be a better person inside and out.

For those who are in love, kudos! A friend once told me, dont rush or you wont be able to enjoy the pleasure of the relationship has got to offer. A good piece of mental note that is. Keep on falling in love with the same person all over again. Do go back down to memory lane once in a while and asked each other how it was like when you both fell in love with each other for the very first time. Apperciate the man/woman in your life 'cause you might never know when's their last breath.

On another note!

For those who are stressed out due to school and exams ( I'm feeling you! It was only the first day and I already have projects!) , hold on! This torture of school and nightmare of exams are there for the better of our future. Let's give our best in every modules that we are taking. Whenever you feel like giving up on your school or revision for exams, just keep chanting bout the aims and goals you've in life. And imagine how good you'll feel when you've finally get what you want all your life after months and months of studying your ass off. Just remember, short term sacrifice , long term gain!! My good lucks are with all of you!

More soon! ;)

Random habis!

2009-10-10T21:41:00.004+08:00

School is reopening soon. A day left to my freedom and never ending enjoyment. The parents are excited for me to get back my ass in school so that they wont be seeing me slacking around the house and watching the television all day long. But hell, I'm not the least excited, despite the fact that we'll be learning new modules, my body clock is still pretty much haywire! I still wake up in the afternoon these past few days. I'm not sure how the heck I'm suppose to wake up in time for school. Arghhh, just the thought drags me. Please, just drag me to hell straight way!

Well, here comes my beloved TGIF nights and weekends. And I'm sure as hell, I'll need to study even smarter this up coming semester. I wont be seeing my ass anywhere near my desired course if I continue to not score full As. We'll see, we'll see.

Had my first and last raya outing with my girls. I could not be bothered to celebrate Hari Raya this year. Man, it's sucha a drag this year. However, last friday was extremely fun! I was on my heels for 12 hours and I can now, jump, run, hop, skip, climb the fucking stairs and walk long distance in my heels. Q couldnt take the pain and took off her heels after the night falls. Honestly, I couldnt understand how the heck I managed to stand and walk in my heels for 12 hours. From Jurong to Woodlands, to Bishan, to Hougang, to Pasir Ris and back to Jurong, man, we did lotsa eating and exercising. Pictures, soon ;)

Exciting Saturday next week! Hopefully, I'm able to squeeze him in my party. Heh heh heh. Or maybe the after party *kening naik-naik at J*

Oh, Akak Aisyah tied the knot this afternoon over in Tepak Sireh. Well, the food isnt that bad nor fanatasic actually. But as long as the newly weds are happy then who am I to complain ? Beside the grand decorations and atmosphere, the helpers are waaaaaay too good looking for my own good. I was caught off guard when I was talking to dad. Wah duh, segak bangat! My cousins, sister and myself, couldnt stop nudging each other whenever those helpers walked past our table. Not only that, the guys from the groom side are equally good looking. God, why must this happened ?! Bak pepatah Love, ini semua cubaan b!

Nani had to do this.
Me : *nudge nani* oh my god , is he looking?
Nani : Yeap.
Akak Nurul : Ya ya! Eeeeeeeeeeee, so cute kan!
Nani : *whispered in my ears* Ayim ayim ayim ayim ayim ayim!
Me : AH OKOK ! *chants* Ayim ayim ayim ayim* Omg cannnotlah!

My darling sister just bought her Charles and Keith heels!!! So sassy and pretty! That's my girl you. It fits nicely with her structure of feet, really. Now, we can feeling-feeling glamour already Nani! Heh heh heh. Seeing her bought one makes me wanna get one more. I think I should! Should I ? And she did her henna for five bucks each hand. And I did mine during fasting month for ten bucks per hand. Yes, please call me the stupid one, thank you very much.

And I need a sling bag. Just like Nani's which is ironic 'cause I just bought a bag when I bought for Nani and I told her I have enough bags. But when I see her using her's , I suddenly feel the urge to get one. Argh my lord, help me save money!! I better start saving when the school reopens. Sheesh.

More sooon! ;)

Happening again.

2009-10-07T23:27:00.007+08:00

Some may know, how dangerously obssessed I'm with good looking , ready for sex angmohs. ( This applies to celebrities only ).

How crazy I went whenever I laid my eyes on Went. It just send all the blood rushing down and up and down again! Yeap, that's how I feel whenever I see Went. And no other men can ever make me feel this way. 'Cause Went is just toooooooooo blooody good to be true. He loves scrabble instead of hanging out till the wee hours of the night and he's extremely smart ass! And he's one hell of a mixed baby. God, my true blue hero he is! And to top this delicious man, he has one hell of a bodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

But somehow, I got distracted when I watched all ten episodes of Band of Brothers two days ago. Shane Tayor happened. Yeap, I went all Tayoring! He's one heck of a good looking English man. Ohhhhhhh, I'd love to watch Dr Eugene Roe's episode all over again. Heh heh heh.

This sexy looking man

This sexxxxxxxxxxxxxy loooking doctor man.

This sexaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy looking doctor cute hot mannnnn.

I dont know bout you girls but I've a thing for men who have the intense fierce look. They could really turn me onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Even my Went has that intense look in his eyes. It's all bout the eyes baby it's all bout the eyes.

It's the job to look all tense in the eyes, potrey that fierce aura but hell these boys did it well. And one thing for sure, their job in turning me on, has completed successfully!

So, what turn you girls on ? ;)

So..

2009-10-05T01:39:00.002+08:00

So, my jacket has yet to arrive. Please do not tell me I've to wait as long as I've waited for my VS dress. Please!

So, my Thank You Party for NDP is next two weeks. If you people have my Facebook, you'll witness my status; screaming for help with prior to finding the prefect dress for that function. Suddenly I didnt know where to get one! Such mental block is not required now you Miss Brainy! Argh Damnit!

So, day out with Love was very peaceful and fun; like always. Untill...... But I still await our exercising day ouuuuuuut!

So, I know what to get for the big 'ol man's birthdayyyyyyyy! I'm sooo excited to bring him out. Heh heh heh.

So, this time round, I'm sure. God damn sure. I'm gonna cut my hair! My long hair's droppppppppppppppppppppppping!

So, I'm still toying with the thoughts of changing my blog skin. I still like the one post per page kinda look. But people have been begging me to put up my past links; which I doubt I'll put up. 'Cause that'll just let the super duper kpo people have the access to read my ''past.'' What I went through with N or with anyone during that period or the many fun and exciting happenings were not to be shared with insignificant people.

So, met J last Saturday. Had ball of a time with Hyun. Delicious foooooooood, needless to say lah huh!

So, I might just hitting the Bar/Cafe later on with Hyun, that is if I'm feeling alright. 'Cause currently, my throat iches and my body feels hot; it has got to be the rain!

So, I'm getting bored with my colored hair. I feel like dying it completely .... dark/light red? 'Cause my hair's now, not ... red? It's like brunette now, said J. I'm actually very confused with my hair color. Is it brown? Or is it brownish red? Or is it red? Sorry, I always wonder bout my hair, hor Mussey!

So, there goes my many Sos.

'' This sense of urgency to save you tau. I've never felt it before. It was so strong and real. It was damn realistic.'' - The aftermath of The Dream; just swept me off my feet.

Irritating!

2009-10-02T23:15:00.001+08:00

You know, blogger has been giving me all sort of nonsense!

Irritatiiiiiiiiiiiing!

:)

2009-10-02T13:47:00.011+08:00

What an exhausting yet fun week! In no order at all.

I worked for Formula One Singapore Grand Prix during my weekend. Indeed I burnt the precious days that I love but this is the dream that I've always wanted it to come true. Despite the fact that I was been harassed by drunken angmohs, nothing beats being there and being a part of something big. Something extraordinary. Something I've always love.

One of the many cheery noisy group for that three days. Mind you all of us was from different groups. But we were all bonded by that common stand ; picture taking,.

We were dead beat at the end of every three days but nothing beats this amazing view that all of us had whilst working. We're not that far away from the tracks. Can you imagine how excited I got whenever I saw Kimi drove past!

One of the many supervisor that took good care of us ; Hani hani haniiii!

Bay Grandstand.
Grandstand Access Offical.
;)

My buddies at work!
Lionel, Mussey, Nazreen Banu and Seha.

Wednesday; met up with J and Lydia. Did sinful impromptu shopping. And we gave Shafiq his advance birthday surprise! And I got Love his .....

Dah sah sah tak suka ini Red Devils.

Feeling Vogue.

Birthday boy!

'' Asal steamy sia Naj ?''

'' Ah tu ah!''

''Ambik lagi!''

HAHAHAHH! Maut! Puas hati dok puas hati!

The Call. :) Please ehk, I look so dark thanks to Formula One! But I looooooooooooooooooooike!

All of us! :)

No matter what J, you're still the best of all. Almost a decade of friendship , I wont let it go to waste. I'll never.

Despite everything else, we still the PM. ( I'll tell you what it is. But I think you know already lah hor! )

Our beaus! :)

The estatic birthday boy.

Happy 23rd birthday buddy!

The punishment he had to go through before we reveal his surprise.
I chilled with Lydia on Tuesday. From lunch till dinner. Thank god we're done with fasting, or else I forsee us staying in JP for our Sahur meal!

Nothing else in the world can beat Starbucks!

One of the many best girlfriends a girl could have ;) Dont mind me.

August the fourteen; it was the bestfriend 8teen birthday. Hyun and I, we were invited to crash over his hotel room. Furama Waterfront hotel.

Yeap. One of the GFLs! And one of the many best friend!

If only I could really crash the bed that whole night, I'd be damned!

So , basically, life's been great so far. Alhamdulilah, Syukur. I wont compromise anyone in my life now. I wont trade the many special moments I had with all of 'em. This is it. I'm finally living in the moment. I love you and all of you who have made my life bittersweet, and yes that include you too!

ANYHO, I just have to say this. It bothers me alot. My job during the past three days for F1 was to usher and show people to their correct seats. Sucky job for some but exciting and eye opener one for me. I befriended many of the new ushers and securities there. We tried to make all of us feel better under the hot blazing sun.

So common sense will say, you've got to smile to make the whole world lift up the mood you're feeling. All I did was smile despite the fact that I've to stand under the sun from three in the afternoon till midnight. I love it. I love doing it. It brings me pleasure in ushering the right people. I'm a people person I guess, that's why Angie barked me to take up PR.

But what I hate the most is the locals. Who the fuck they think they are, like seriously! Wake the fuck up. Doesnt mean you bought the most expensive tickets in the house with DSLR cameras hanging around your fucking necks, you're one big fuck!! Holy fuck.

Pardon my french.

To make it more worse, it's the OWN race. Yeap our fucking own race. Our bloody malayu race. I dont care if you people detest me after this.

When I smiled at them with '' Good afternoon, may I be of any assits ?'' all I got from these malayu people are , '' I know lah! Dah pernah datang sini. Tak paya.''

WAHHH!! Menyirap je siol!!

Worse! This malayu tudung girl with DSLR.

Me: Hello!

She: *looked up and jeling*

Security: Mentang-mentang dapat the Red seats and DSLR kaya ah. Ini lah Malayu.

BAIK AH BANG! Aku mcm nak lempang je muka satu-satu. Lupa daratan ah ni semua.

Like how Mus said.

Where Singaporeans are fucking rude.

Where angmohs are freaking nice.

This job has really opened up my eyes to how the Malayus really behave when they're fucking rich. Take it from me. It is fucking ugly. Even if you're drop dead hot/pretty or effing rich, please do not ever forget to be humble. Humble people are the most beautiful ones.

Just what do you get for being so stuck up and rude with your own race, really?

Pleasures?

Ego?

Higher level of dignity?

What?

Just what ?

I think Detik or Akhir Kata or whatever interview shows on Suria has got to interview REAL people. Like REAL rich people. And REAL customer service people who was treated like how I was treated.

Sucha shame really. I'm ashamed to declare I'm malayu. I'd rather say, I'm Javanese.

Think bout it. Just what do you get, like seriously ?

Like how Love and some other said it, '' Typical Malayus''

DOWN RIGHT THEY ARE!!

If ...

2009-09-29T22:42:00.002+08:00

If you're not here, who will gladly open up my can of coke ?

I love you 'cause I need you.
I need you and that's why I love you.

So basically, I need and love you.

:)

Formula One Grand Prix

2009-09-24T17:08:00.003+08:00

Well, this is it. From Friday till Sunday, I'll be there, Bay Grandstand it is.

To be involved in something that I've always loved.

And to be able to live one of the many dreams I've dreamt.

God, this feeling is god damn gooooooooooood!

Heart pouring session.

2009-09-23T01:25:00.004+08:00

'' Dah sekolah mana ni?''
'' Uni mana ?''
'' Tunangnyer mana ?''
'' Keje apa ?''

Dengar-dengar aku dah ada tunang apa. Dengar-dengar aku tengah ambik Degree pe. What's the blooody huge differance between last year and this year ?

Is it my apperance?
Is it my height?
Is it my face?
What?
What?!

These makciks when didnt meet for a year asked nonsense question. I just cant imagine if we dont meet for two whole years, jangan dia tanya mana anak aku sudah lah. Menyiraaaaaaap je.

I'm only eighteen for God's sake!! Please dont make me feel so old. In less then few months, I'm turning nineteen and a year to go before I hit twenty. Holy moly! I AM old. ( J , dont agree ah please. )

Alhamdulilah, life's been great so far. Amin.

I just celebrated my first two days of Raya. And it was a blast and tiring if I may add. Catch up with lots of relatives , no doubt. I feel good bout myself, 'cause this year, I've got my CK's heels, VS bags and my newly red hair, all of it paid by meeeeeee me meee ! Alhamdulilah. Now I can truely feel the satisfaction of spoiling myself!! And hopefully the 'ol man agrees to let me pay for my new phone come December.

This time it's The Magic I'm eyeing on.

I'm really missing alot of people right now.
Nad.
Hyun.
Ralvin.
Kat.
Feer.
J.
Shakinah.

It has been few months since I last saw them. For some of them, it has been six months or more! This can not be tolerated any longer. How can I NOT meet my favourite people for more than six months ? After this month of Eid Mubarak, I forsee dates with them. So keep your time slot free!

You know what makes me happy ? Two things. Love and J.

Being around him makes me feel so alive and special in so many ways. Alhamdulilah, it has been a bumpy ride somehow, but we got through it. More of these, certainly! :) ( Sorry, if you expect more juicy stuff, dont bother, I wont disclose. 'Cause it's privateeeeeeee~ )

For some, they knew bout J and I. How we didnt talk for so many months and lots of things have been happening of late. We had our silly issues between ourselves. We emailed each other and for that some point of time, we both really thought this was it. This is the end.

But no. Something got the better of me when I was sending that email. I let go of my anger and disppointment in that email without the slightest thought of how precious this decade old friendship. Days afterwards, I thought I'll feel better. I thought I'll move on with life. But somehow and something, kept holding me back. And I know, no matter what happened or no matter what issues we both have had or will be having in the future, we can never break.

Imagine almost a decade friendship gone just like that due to silly issues. What was I thinking, really? What was I trying to prove to myself? But Im glad I recovered within days later, I wont dare to imagine what would have happened if I let it prolong for much longer time.

Within thirty mintues of sorrys, of heart pouring, we both got back to normal state. We instantly got extremely crazy and talked nonsense that whole morning leading both of us texting till six in the morning. What just happened few months ago and what we shared withing that thirty mintues, was quickly put aside and with promises in our hearts to be a better friend to each other, we both carried on with life with a much more better meaning.

Now that we both are happily together with them in our life , I dont see how much happier we both can be for this moment. We'll always have each other back even if we break and we'll see each other throughout this journey. And by God, this is one of the precious bonds I'll treasure the most.

'Cause without the BFF, who else will know me so well. So bloody well that I need not explain myself anymore to be understood.

So J, here's to our many more years of friendship.
Nonsense.
Cock talking.
Dreams.
Aims
And more crazy four in the morning chats.

;)

Peaceful.

2009-09-19T03:04:00.006+08:00

When you're reading this, the holy month of Ramadan is gonna be over soon. And here comes the month of much love and forgiveness around. I'll keep this simple.

Maafkan kalau sekiranyer, I've said things that hurt anyone of you be it physically, emotionally or verbally with the intention or not.
Maafkan kalau sekiranyer, I've done things that hurt, saddend and made you mad without or with the intention.
Maafkan kalau sekiranyer, I've always ignored you with the intention or not.
Maafkan kalau sekiranyer, I've always been a bad friend or girlfriend to anyone.
From deep within my soul, I seek your forgiveness in this month of Syabaan.
Halalkan makan dan minum ya ?
And may all of us find and make peace with all of them who are around us.
Love them.
Forgive them.
Insyah Allah, life's will be much more better in many many ways.

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
Salam Ikhlas,
Najihah Ismail.

Ps: I wanted to type all of that in Malayu but I got stuck halfway. HAHAHA. So forgive me!

I want this man.

2009-09-12T02:39:00.003+08:00

a man who knows how to appreciate the things I do for him.
a man who pampers me with something that money can't buy
a man who knows his mistakes and try to make it right.
a man who can be my pillow whenever i need someone to lean on.
a man who knows when to give in and let down his pride.
a man who'd communicate, listen and respond
a man who respects me, my family and his.
a man who enjoys what life has to offer.
a man who can say yes or no instead of 'anything'.
a man who won't keep me waiting though the day or night.
a man who (at least) try figure out what's going on inside me and resolve it.
a man who help the relationship work when it gets tough
a man who'd never lay his hand on woman
a man who works hard and planning well for his future
a man who is motivated
a man who takes responsibility for his actions
a man who gives me freedom that I need.
a man who loves me with no doubts.

-Nira Chan.

Be that man and I swear, I'll love you for as long as I shall live.
I ask for that much in a man, 'cause I know, I've alot to give.

TGIF

2009-09-11T14:13:00.002+08:00

Yeap. My first TGIF during my holidays! Hopefully tonight's good.

It IS gonna be good. Meeting all the lovely ladies for Iftar later.

And you people , yes, my blog's up for major reading.

My stats count's getting high by the mintue. Dah sah-sah kpo nak mampos some people.

Heh.

But oh well, spend your TGIF night wisely !

Suddenly

2009-09-10T00:29:00.003+08:00

Suddenly, I dont know if I did the right thing. I was overwhelmed by mixture of feelings. But I thought what I did was logical. Or was it not ?

Knowing you did the right thing, gives you that feeling of satisfactory and not wanting to look back. But I'm feeling the opposite now.

I'll let a day or two to let everything that's happening sink in. If I dont get that satisfactory feeling sooon, well then I guess, I'll make do.

'Cause what I've already said or do, can never be undone.

Needszx

2009-09-09T14:52:00.001+08:00

I need to shop. Prontooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will do some serious one tonight! Teeeheeeeeeeeeee.

Soooo...

2009-09-08T00:05:00.002+08:00

Sings "And I hate how much I love you boy,
but I just cant let you go.
Hate that I love you so."

Enjoyment Reborn!!

2009-09-06T17:03:00.003+08:00

... it's time I do something with regards to my blog, no ?

... maybe, I'll open it up again for normal people to read it. Since the ones that I really bother, knows exactly what I've been up too.

Maybe I won't.

I don't know.

So anyways! Lots of enjoyment awaits me.

Holidays starts right after my PAC's exam.
Iftar with Sis and gang.
Meeting Love.
My hair's gonna get some colorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrszzxz and finally a decent cut!!

Exciting much ?
I hope so.

I just hope the color of my choice will suit me just well.
And I hope the style of hair I want will make me look less messier then I am now.

And the month of November is gonna be so exciting!
I can hardly wait to be Kat's model and catwalk down that red carpeeet!!!

Kat and Lydia, you feeling me babeszx?!

Eid Mubarak's just around the corner. My house has already been painted PURE WHITE. I hate white. Like Hyun said, it's not even a color. It's just ... white! It's so plain and pure. And lifeless. But hopefully when the new sofa comes next weekend, it'll cheer up the entire house. My balcony will scream red by the first day of Hari Raya. BELIEVE THAT. I just dont know what's up with my dad and red these days. He inisted the balcony has to be painted red.

I've some many other ideas install up my sleeves and I can't wait to let it roll out!

Ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, can you feel the excitment from there as well ? :D

DO I LOOK LIKE ONE ?!

2009-09-02T21:08:00.002+08:00

My parents just commented on it and move on.

But my bloody sister, whenever she sees me lingering somewhere in the house, all she could say was ,

" Hello Minah."

Bapak kau pey laki gay lah!

I dont look like one, now!

But this morning, two guys really stared straight at me, with that cheecky typical Malayu smile. With their floating cap and tatts and piercing.

I dont look like one, I tell you!

But Ayim's gonna flip, I think.

But I dont care!

'Cause somehow, I look neater. Teehee.

Be real.

2009-09-01T03:46:00.005+08:00

Sometimes in life, you just have to accept things around you.

I'm still accepting somethings that are happening around me with an open heart.

Sometimes in life, you just have to stop and really stare.

Through that, you can really learn and apperciate the tiny winy, little stuff that life has got to offer.

Sometimes in life, you just have to have your feet back on the ground.

So that you won't be called a fool when your head touch down.

Sometimes in life, you just have to be real.

'Cause through that, you'll know what's fake and stop chasing it.

But then again, what's really real?

Me?
You?
Love?
Nature?

You define what's real.

And that, my friend, lets you control your life just the way you want it to be.

As for me, I'm beginning to see what's I know is real.

Or so I thought ... ?

Well, life's a major contradiction as a whole.

So let's just live and let live, shall we ?

;)

Shocking habis!

2009-08-30T22:46:00.002+08:00

Yeap. Saturday night shocked both Ayim and myself out. It was so shocking I ended up crying in front of him ( again ) and on the way back home , alone , was worse. It didnt help much when I took the last few trains home. People looked at me as though I was bawling my breasts out.

But all seems good now, hopefully.

Finals in two weeks. Studying session with Hyun and Mus seems more like a catching up session. But worthwhile I must say. We talked alot under SMU roof. Exchanged views on relationship mostly. Since all of us are dating, that's the ony topic we focus more on.

ANYWAYS, Im still waiting for Ralvin's birthday party pictures. He told me he couldnt find his files anywhere. I'm gonna knock his head out I tell you. I love all the pictures the three of us took! Asshole.

I'm currently stucked with MJ's songs all over again. I watched his live concert on both Channel Five and Demand TV. The whole family ended up singing '' Heal The World'' at the top of our lungs mintues before breaking our fast.

May you find your peace. We still love and miss you.

So basically, this week wasnt that great. Saturday night ended in a sucha sucky way. On top of that, Jasni's in hospital. One of the dude that made my 8teen birthday incrediably sweet. It came as a shock to me 'cause the day before he was admitted, our paths actually crossed in the MRT! So we talked bout our lives, catching up with each other. And that day as well, he told me bout his illness. He looked extremely pale and he was actually broke into sweats whilst talking to me. Padahal MRT sejuk ehk please. Hopefully he'll be fine, Insyah Allah. Pray for him to those of you who read this.

:)

It's only a dream.

2009-08-29T01:14:00.001+08:00

Because Starhub doesnt carrys HTC Dream.

Just when I want to get my hands on it with my own money. FML.

I'll go mourning for the rest of the weeks.

:(

Feeling the heat

2009-08-25T23:57:00.004+08:00

Finals in two weeks time. And OH MY GOD. I dont want to repeat ANY of my modules. Especially Accounts. I've totally lost touch in Accounts!

This shouldnt be happening to me. This is so secondary school and last mintue. I.hate.this.shit.

I'm looking forward to next semester! Marketing and Event management modules will kick in!!

But please God, I need to let go off this Accounts burden on me. I'll never see myself doing Accounts ever again. I dont give a flying hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot of someone wanting to purchase this or that and I HAVE to key every single damn thing.

Heck, I dont see myself in an office typing shit in Excel or Word.

Speaking of which, I've an Excel FINALS ( FML!) later on in the day. And why am I still doing here?

I've no freaking idea! Anyho, proper one soon.

I might not be able to meet him again this week. The only night I can totally spare without feeling guilty is this up coming Friday. The rest of the following days till the Finals, I totally TOTALLY need it for revision. I swear, I do not want to repeat any of my shit modules.

:( Sad huh ? I'll miss the enjoyment and him! :((((((((((((((((

And I've yet to start my Solat Terawih!

FISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday

2009-08-24T15:17:00.002+08:00

'' Whatever happened, be it good or bad, remember we love each other.''

As he held her tight that Sunday night,
all she could ever did was,
to cry and cried buckets,
Knowing that the future is uncertain,
she knows,
somehow this is where she wants to be.

Official.

2009-08-22T23:25:00.004+08:00

It's offical.

Yeap. I miss these people. It's official that I've not contact nor meet them regularly like before.

In no order at all.

The family.

My other family.

Nadiah. Sweet heart, terawih sooon ok? I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!

Bie and Babe. One of my strengths.

Hyun. Now I realise I can tell her almost everything. Every single damn thing.

Kitty kat meowwwwww! Our time always ALWAYS clash :(

Lydiaaaaaaaaaa. My kaki. :(!!!

And I also miss. Feer.

Ralvin.

In which I just realised I dont have their pictures with me.

So please people, let's meet up soon shall we? To hell with our tight timing for a bit. We need to catch up sooon! It has been a loong while, hasnt it ?

:(

2009-08-21T00:42:00.002+08:00

Sick.
Three more weeks to finals.
Sick.
Lost my voice.
Random phone call from Mr Topa. Literally what the fish.
Fasting commences on Saturday.
Terawih starts tonight.
Sick.
Lost my voice.
If only I could get a hug from anyone at all.
Sick.
Lost my voice.
And the picking of sofa in Courts was hilarious.
Sick again.
And still lost my voice.
I miss him soooooooo blooody much. It just irks me how busy he can get sometime.
Sick AGAIN :(
I need my voice back.

So basically, I'm sick and did I tell you that I lost my voice ? :(

Tummy ache

2009-08-17T21:37:00.004+08:00

Yes. Gastric. Irritating nak mampos. Right after I had my late dinner. But it didnt get bad till two in the morning when I was fast asleep. Out it all came via the mouth. Fucking disgusting. It has been a while since I last vomited. It has been so long that I didnt know how vomiting feels like till that morning.

Sneak peak!
F1 on site training was a dragged but somewhat fun.
'' Uniform tak senonoh ehk!''
'' Hahaha.''
Five mintues later,
'' Uniform tak senonoh ehk!''
'' AAHAH Stop Banu. Everyone's looking!''
'' Ehk what's tak senonoh ?''
'' MAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!! Asshole you dont know!''

I can hardly wait for the actual race day. Bay Grandstand is what I'm talking bout!

'' So, where are we going after this ?''
'' ECP.''
'' Oh ! Alrite.''
Fifteen mintues of talking plus singing.
'' Oh you see that dear? That's Marina Barrage.''
'' That's Marina Barrage ?! I didnt know!''
'' Yeap, and that's where I'm bringing you. When I said ECP, I lied. I want to bring you here.''
''Awww. That's sweet. Thank you!''

I swear I could have just cried buckets. I felt so emotional.

'' Orangnyer besar tinggi ehk ?''
'' Err.. ya?''
'' Cuba tanya dia, nampak tak makcik tak leh masok lift sebab budak NS police block makcik's way.''
'' You remember tak ada makcik ni tak leh masok lift sebab ..''
'' YA ALLAH ITU MAK YOU ?! ''
'' Err.. ya ?''
'' Ya Allah. Ah apa khabar makcik!''
'' Ibu dia ingat.''
'' Hahahaha. Ingat pun. Kau tanya apa dia cakap.''
'' What did you say ?''
'' I said, kalau berat badan lebih dari 30 kg tak leh masok.''
'' OI!! Mak I 69 Kg tau.''
Both of my love ones, '' HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!''

What a night! So they actually met. Mati lah gua.

Busy , exciting and fun week.

2009-08-10T18:07:00.003+08:00

Busy starts from today. After much partying yesterday, I'm literally stuck with my reports. FML.

Exciting and fun was last week. My weekends were over the top. I had fun with both him and family respectively. My TGIF was spent with Bie and Lydia, respectively as well.

Friday afternoon; off to Geylang we girls went via bike. I had my eyes on the pair of RH Bridal Baju Kurungs! So modernise. So pretty. Soon, you'll be mine. Oh, on my way to meet Bie, I received a call from mum. She sound so excited via the phone. It seems to her that I'll be recieve my sponsership money that evening!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS ? My first hard earn thousand bucks! I couldnt stop praising Lord Above for giving me this gift. This hard earn money. This successful feeling I'm still feeling. Being in ITE isnt that bad afterall. ;)

'' Asslamualaikum ya Ustazah. Yaleh, yaleh.''
'' HAHAHAHHAHA. Tak baik.''
''Mahu beli tudung ya ? Yaleh,Yaleh.'' With the arabic accent.

Friday night; I met Lydia. What else we girls can do beside slacking, laughing and more slacking ? We shared our school stories and update each other of our lives. I had one of the many nights I need with her. Staying two bustops away comes in handy. More of these ok Lydia!

'' Aku tahu apa nak kasi kau. Kaunyer apa size ah ?''
'' HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Sial lah kau. Kau cakap kaunyer dulu.''
'' Sial lah malu siol!''
''Akunyer B. Kaunyer C kan? Kau tak paya cakap pun aku tahu.''
Both of us , '' HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH ! Siaaaaaaaal.''
'' Kau nak lace or without it?''
'' HAHAHAHAHHAHAH''

Oh my god, I can just roll around laughing. LOL!

Saturday morning was spent trekking and watching UP with him. UP was hilarious and cute! Extremely cute if I may add. Even though both of us are waaaaay past that young age, specially him ( HAHA busted ) we both truely enjoyed the movie. We literally laughed out loud watching that cute movie. So movie goers, go watch it!! Awesome movie.

After much we duo, armed with healthy drinks, nuts and chocolate to boost our enegry, went up and climb the steps towards Henderson Waves. It was sucha tiring trekking indeed. The activties left both of us gasping for air. Thanks to the lack of exercising from both of us, it was surely one of the days we both need to get back in shape. The specular views we saw that day, reminds both of us of the night we spent in Sentosa looking out to the sea. It was one hell of a tiring day filled with fun and adventures. We carried our walk towards The Canopy Walk and hell! We ended up at Kent Ridge Road. Imagine us, walking from Henderson Waves all the way to Kent Ridge Road. Effing faaaaaaaaaaaaar. I gave up half way and begged him to turn back. LOL. But that day was one of the days I love being around him. It was just us and nature. We had our laugters. Our jokes. Everything beautiful was just between us that day. We both agreed it was our day that day.

And we relaxed over at my favourite spot of all time. Parted our ways at Outram park and off I went to Bibik's.

I dragged my poor feets to Woodlands to attend the last mintue family gathering. You see, the family and I we planned for a long gateway next year. Sometime in June perhaps. Hopefully by then, I've passed my TP as the dad said, he cant be the only one driving all the way to Pahang. ( Kening naik-naik ) So the entire family came together last Saturday and planned on which resort to be booked, what to do, when to go, what to bring, shopping or pure relaxing, and ectera. The youngest like us, were especially excited. I for one, can hardy waiiiiiiiiiiit!

Truely, it has been a while since we convoyed and travelled half of Malaysian States together. And of course, that night was filled with laughters and crude jokes bout one of my stupid aunty ( more of that soon, I hope ) we parted our ways by one in the morning. In which , of course, forgets that I've a show to do hours after that.

Sunday was awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! One of the many highlights of my life, really. I wont forget how hard we practice to prefect our formation and moves. How much we endure the sun and occasionally disgusting army food. How much laughters we all had. How much partying we've had together as a big family. Ah, I'm soooooo gonna miss the party goers.

That night, I remembered looking over to Su and Emi. They were both smiling as they were dancing. It just lifts up the entire mood in the group. We were all smilling and giving our best that night. Beautiful fireworks and breathe taking views from our spot, it made all the more special for me. It was simply awesome.

Since Friday on, I've been out and about. Nevertheless, I worn out from all of these activties. But through this activities, I now know how to priorities my life. From family to him to my activities and to my studies. I feel much more matured to see and feel and know that I can actually have all the things that I want IF I know how to priorities and divide my time accordingly. All of these fun sexciting activities wouldnt happen if it wont be from the support from my parents.

I could not stop thanking Ayah for fetching and sending me. Ibu has been showering me with much support and love. Be it for NDP, studies and being with him. If God were to take my life away now, I'll die a happy soul. For I've experienced, the best love of all time. Thank you Ayah. Thank you Ibu. I wont forget how much support and encouragment you both have given me throughout these five months of training. And many more months to come, of course.

And Syukur Alhamdulilah to HIM for giving me the best lovin and tender parents and families.
For giving me the supportive encouraging crazy ass friends.
For giving me the ability to give my best and earn my first thousand even if I'm landed in ITE.
And for giving me the opportunity to know and love this new man in my life.
Syukur Alhamdulilah Amin. Thank You!

Im truely grateful dear Allah. Thank you.

Plans, already ?

2009-08-06T22:41:00.003+08:00

So the secondary school kiddos have plans for end of year X'mas. Not sure if I'll be able to join them. But if I'll be able to join, I bet, come midnight I won't be in the hotel room. Hahah. That'll be notified and reconfirmed soon.

Thanya, one of the few girls I became close with during NDP rehersals/trainings, already planned for her up coming eighteen birthday. That crazy girl have already saved money to book a club for her birthday party!! Hell! That means I need to get my outfit ready.

The thing bout having plans and making them work it makes one imagination runs wild. Like who are we going to invite ? What theme for the party ? Where should it be held ? What type of food ? Varities of drinks ? What outfit to wear ? What hairdo suits our theme ? And stuff like that.

The process or what we usually call, the meeting, for the party could be one hell of a fun experience. However fun it can get, it can also get tiring and troublesome and even heart ache. Some people they're the laid back ones. The ones that usually take the ride and watch all of us plan. The ones that usually orders around and not helping one single bit. Yeap, those laid back ones. Ah, I really detest these people. They will never understand the process of making a successful party works. They will never EVER understand. But Thank God, none of my party planners are like that.

Then, there're people who are really excited like you are but they ended up being so quiet if YOU want to really make it work. They started to be less excited and decided not to be as excited as they were before and all your hopes and dreams for the party just .... crashed? And what's left are just plain hopes and dreasms ? Ahhhhhhhh, the fucked up feeling.

You think that's all? Nope, I dont think so. When these two type of people exist, there are also the really excited ones that when some others chip in ideas they just dont want to listen. The egoistical ones. The ones that wants everyone to listen to him/her only. And that his/her's idea are the best in the god damn world. The ones that thinks the party should only be smooth sailing just like how HE/SHE wants it to be. The ones that will never understand the meaning of team work.

As for me, I like to the take back seat once in a while. And I'll always like to promp in some questions and ideas. I tend to take the neutral stand. The majority side that is. I guess, that's how one should work in a team, no ? Be neutral and go for what's best for the party. But of course, I've to take into consideration of the others idea and compile all of 'em up and pass it on to my head or chief organizer. I like to be in this position that I'm in. To be able to stand in the middle and observe. I like asking people for their ideas and options in how to make the party a better one. I like hearing people new fresh ideas. It gets me all excited and I'll always sit at the edge of my seat to hear more of what they've to offer. When works are distributed by the cheif organizer, I'll be readily do my job happily! It's just so fun to do many research on the task I was given. It makes me feel valueable in the team. It makes me feels that I'm part of something important and successful. It makes me feel good bout myself to be able to contribute the best that I can for the party's sake. I just feel so delighted!! ^^

So my party goners, specially EOY party people, we'll have to meet up soon and plan it out ya. Let's make the party work! Heartache or not. Whatever it is, we're gonna make this work people! We're a team!! WOOHOOO.

No wonder Miss Angie has been bugging me to shift my attention to PR or Marketing. More soon on that. ;)

Final Destination Four!

2009-08-05T19:20:00.003+08:00

I heard bout it coming up soon in August.

But when I was in the car and I saw the god damn poster, it was sooooooooooo fucking exciting!! I CANT WAIT FOR IT! Will it be out in 3D form ? HEHE.

I'm a die hard fan of Final Destination movies. I've watched the first, second and third back to back. Now, it's my chance to watch the fourth in the cinema! Hell, mid august come quick.

And I smell new bags coming my way? And maybe some dress? Tops too ? WOOHOO!

The month of August will be fun!

In the mean time, I'm so looking forward for 25-27 09 and 17/10. I soooo totally need to shop. Thanya and I want to dress to kill on our dinner night. DOUBLE WOOOHOO!

And oh, someone's birthday will be held at St James or DXO. Whose ehk Thanya ?

FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! Please come quick. TGIF with Bie , finaaaaaaaaaly. Wooooohoooo.

Hyun has already started school. One of the many reason why I'm looking forward for more of TGIF mini celebration with her.

Ralvin has taken out his bracesssssssssssssssssssssssssssxzx! He'll look damn cute without it, I swear.

You two, meet up soon!

The night that I need.

2009-08-03T18:31:00.006+08:00

St James Movida was extremely fun and hot. And tad too dramatic for me to handle. There was actually fight going on whilst I busy dancing my ass off. It was sucha honest mistake. They said it wasnt my fault to even begin with but I still feel bad till today.

It started out with just a dance and one thing leads to another. We didnt go over the board but what we did was pure hot dancing. Grinding and stuff like that. What I didnt know, the girl was there as well. I should have known better I guess. But all of us didnt know he was with that girl till he asked for my number and his friend told him off.

Thanya filled me in after she confronted him. They were actually already having problem and that he has been wanting to break it up with her. It seems to me I'm his alibi. I dont know. He walked out of the club and I didnt see him since. What I heard was that his girl cried upon seeing us. Hell. Only Thanya knows how I'm feeling shittish now.

I told Mr A when I met him after all those enjoyment. His face changed drastically when I told him, honestly. He told me I should be more careful and that I should totally control myself. Not forgetting to have him in my mind everything I want to dance it off with someone else. And it makes me all the more sad and bad for what had happened. I was quiet through our meal and all I could do was to listen to his heart content.

Yesterday clubbing was extremely fun. It was one of the things that I want. But the after party was what I need. We head out to Sentosa. Chilling under the starless sky. Looking out to the many breath taking night views Senotsa had to offer. We did lots of talking and we have our little quality time together.

We now know where we stand. And that's what matters most. The night out with him was what I really need.

You hear?!

2009-07-31T18:28:00.004+08:00

Entertainment Tonight. One of the shows I've always loved. Updates on celebrities and their private life. New movies. New sitcoms. Feedbacks. Exclusive interviews. The one stop show for mine entertainment indulges.

So, lately, due to MJ's death ( May Allah bless his soul ) Entertainment Tonight has been going on and on and on and the fuck on bout him. For God's Sake can you please stop already! Let him rest in peace. Let his family face their days with a peace of a mind. Let his childern mourn bout their father in solitude. Leave them alone, already!

Everytime I switched to that channel it has always been MJ. MJ. MJ. This has got to stop. The worse thing that could ever happened to him is murder and SHUT UP ALREADY! And come back up again WHEN you've found the real killer. Ah fuck these reporters and show business. They kept digging stuff till they can never dig it anymore to get juciy news. Juicy new only means more money and publicity. It's their job, I know.

But hell, it has been WEEKS. DAYS. It has been going on and on and on like there's no other celebrity worth mentioning. I know MJ still IS the king of pop, but still, let his family face all the truth alone and keep it under the bed. They want to private their life, so be the fucking it. They dont want to hang their dirty underwear in public ya know. If they want to let all of us know, then just fucking wait for them to have public fucking conference! This irritates me a whole lot. Why cant they just understand when to report and when not to?

Leave the dead alone.
And leave far away from the loved living ones. They need to mourn in peace damnit! Show some basic respect you paparazzis. And please, gimme back my old Entertainment Tonight before I go bizzare and be disloyal to you, you hear!?

Sometimes...

2009-07-29T15:17:00.006+08:00

Sometimes it just sucks to be in my current situation. I think too much sometimes. But the rest of the time, I dont do too much thinking unless the nature calls for it.

I don't know what I did to deserve this shit but somehow I'm in this shit. People judge toooo bloody fast. Be it friends or otherwise. What really hurts me the most is when ''friends'' judge us. Sad, no ? They did what they did without even asking the other party what's really up. You may say this world is judgmental. That's where you're wrong. One, no one is LIKE you. Two, no one is YOU. Three, not everyone in the whole damn world IS you. So the world is not judgemental, it's YOU.

I mixed with lots of people. Ex convict, models, photographers, minah, mat, gangster,mak andam, accountants. Whoever, whatever. I've tasted a few bits of almost everything. Sometimes, I dont like what I see in the other party. The smokes. The drinks. The tattos. The piercing. The swearing. The cursing. The whatever.

But somehow someone said to me, '' Life's not prefect itself, why do you even want to judge somone when your life isnt perfect Najihah? '' That really took me off guard. It really did. But back then I dont understand.

Along the way I made couple of worthy friends that hardly judge. I asked myself sometimes, how the heck someone can not judge another human ? What? Are they faking it ? Or are they really not judgemental,somehow ? Then one day, that one fine day when I suddenly had enough of people judging my move and doings and I knew then that if I dont start with me, who will ? That's when I've come to understand.

So I make a better world for myself. I told myself countless time to not judge anyone so quick. And I'm seeing myself getting more relax and less frustrated with the world. Suddenly I realize how easy it is to move about with just a piece of a mind. Im not saying I'm all holy or angelic or pious.

No, but at least now I know myself that I'm capable to be less egostical and less judgemental. At least now I know, I can be better person. This is a self improvement and self experiement experience. Very glad that I took up this chance to change myself in few aspects.

You know, sometimes I just wish some people just shut their gap before they pass judgements on ITE students.
Sometimes I just wish some people will just look at themselves in the mirror.
Sometimes I just wish people will be abit more supportive of each other.
Sometimes I just wish I could shoot people who are judgemental.
And sometimes I just wish I could really slap anyone who's judgemental AND not wanting to hear someone else's explaination.

Like how we always put it, some people just think they're big fuck.

It always gets to me you know. Being misjudged wrongly. I kept defending my pride and position. But it has already comes to a point when I had enough shit and for that, you'll be gone - literally.

So suck it up and leave.

The most unnatural thing to say.

2009-07-27T13:55:00.007+08:00

'' Marry me.''
'' WHAT NO!''
'' Wtf you asked me that question ? ''
'' 'Cause I want to.''
Called...
''WTF YOU!''
'' Dont wtf me you.''
'' Kidding me arent you?''
'' Nope. So you want?''
'' NO OF COURSE NOT YOU ASS!''
'' Not now lah babe.''

So life almost took a turn. My God! My heart literally jumped when I read that text message. He'll get some beating when I meet him this Friday. And no, not Ayim but someone else. And no, I'm not cheating or whatever behind Ayim's back.

Alhamdulilah, I've recovered. Hopefully I wont get any flu or whatever next. 'Cause suddenly my nose's starting to run. This sucks, really. It has got to be the weather. It has been raining today and sunny the next. Raining again and sunny the next. Ah Good Lord, can you please, fix the weather! Thank you very much!

Im left with two more Saturdays and I'm done with NDP. It's fun and sucha an eye opener but it burn my weekends. You see, I treasure my weekends alot. My weekdays are spent on books, school and assignments. The only escape for me are the two weekends and my TGIF nights. I knew I'm gonna be so worn out during NDP that last two fridays were spent at home. YES AT HOME. Fuck this shit. I seriously miss hanging out till late night without feeling extremely tired ( and guilty ) on Saturday. And sundays are spent hanging out till the evening only. Who the fuck go home at 8 in the evening ? Oh my god. I hate Mondayszx!! I desperately need my Saturday night of enjoyment back. And my TGIF gang please, please PLEASE, meet me asap. ( Not this Friday though )

Even if I'll be fasting couple of days after NDP, I'm still gonna get wasted on Saturday nights. At least , reaaaaaaaaaaly wasted. Anyone up for the game ? I need my enjoyment back like asap!!

And oh, did I tell you that my F1 position is Grandstand at the Bay ? One of the many highlights this year! And did I tell you that Massa suffered from a serious skull injury ? I saw the news and I read the papers. It was fucking bad. It was so bad that Massa had to forgo his race for another maximum of four months. I saw the spring flicked directly into Massa's skull lah damnit!! It was so gruesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! But I hope Massa's gonna be fine. Hang on there Massa! You'll be just fine. Fight hard! ( He has not wake up since the incident FYI ) And you know who MIGHT be comin' back in ?

Michael Schumacher ! Please God, make this one hell of an exciting F1 year for all of us. I want to see him in action!! I cant waiiiiiit.

GRANDSTAND ! GRANDSTAND! GRANDSTAND!

SOON :D

//Edited// LYDIA! CALL ME ASAP! I want to do Manicure and Pedicure for Raya. Call and we can plaaaaaaannnnnn EEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEH!//

'' God! I love you.''

2009-07-24T20:54:00.005+08:00

[ Warning: It's wordy. Long. And random. So dont read if you're not interested in the updates. ]

PS darlings: I've included the Previous section. Catch up my life through there. The randomness of blogging comes back suddenly. So I dont wanna you loveszx to lose out. :)

I watched the last episode from the finale season of Prison Break and I couldn't stop my tears. No wonder I saw the my good Ol' man's tears when he watched it. I refused to watch it together with him yesterday for I want the whole living room space for myself and let myself indulge in every bit of the last few episode of Prison Break.

The ending was overwhelming. When Scofield said those four words, God I wish Sara was me. I wish for nothing else then to be told the exact same words from those pair of eyes. You people do know I'm a sucker for all of these in-the-midway-of-action romance kinda confession. It just gives me the good feeling that no matter in what danger the lovers are in, they still make time to express their love for that one bit.

Like in that final scene of both Sara and Scofield, it was really... something. When Scofield pluged in those live wires in his bare hands and Sara saw the explosion and the gateway to freedom was just right in front of her, I thought I could have just dive into the Television and watch it live! It was really... extraordinary to actually witness your love ones doing that for you and all you have to do is run and never look back. I could never forgive myself if I'm in Sara place. Never. I could never EVER forgive myself. I'll just turn lesbian or worse, just kill myself if I lost someone so near perfection like Scofield.

This is how I really feel bout the whole Prison Break saga. Beside all the intelligence and good line of story, that last scene really took my heart away. How can I ever see Scofield died just like that?! And I cried buckets when I saw the video Scofield made for Linc and Sara. It was just ... mind blowing. Totally. Ten thumbs up from the old man and I.

Putting aside my emotional side, the class and I had bonding session today. I was given three hundred to feed those thirty eight students. And thanks for all the help - Mus, Suhana, Fafa and the rest for helping me in ordering and ogranising the whole mini bonding session affair. It wont be a success without ya'll. Especially Mus for being the game host for today. The two games that we had really bonded the class. It was a changing prospect for all of us today. I guess, we bonded even more. And I've got feedbacks from those people to organise more of these. Some even said every end of the month. Ah iyerlah, macam mana nak kasi makan itu tiga pulah lapan budak ? Maut aku.

I've tons of picture of it. but I've yet to get them from Clar. So, I'll just upload the picture when it's full force! Actually, I'm pretty lazy to upload the pictures and wait for everything to be uploaded by blogger. I just wanna keep on typing and typing and typing. Weird ehk ? Even though it may be wordy, I just feel like letting myself go through typing. Somehow, I'm feel better just by typing. Maybe I'm just plain lazy now. *shrugs*

So anyways, beside all of these, I'm sick again. Sheesh. I had fever last few days. It was pretty bad. I had to wear the jacket ( more on that later ) and sleep when I had four panadols down my throat. It was that bad. And my cough's getting irritating and much more painful. Hopefully all of these will go away soon before I meet my date again this Sunday.

The Jacket, yes. The dad suddenly asked me what size do I wear for jackets. And I without thinking much just said the size M. Couple of days later, the dad passed me a paper bag.

'' And, what's this ayah ?''
'' Tengok lah.''
'' Oh.My.God! CUTE X'mas Jacket!'' It's really looks like X'mas jacket. The ones where Angmoh used in those really cold weather. Those thick colorful ones!!!
'' Your welcome.'' Smiled widely.
'' But er.. It's thick. Wooly. Tak sejuk so much what in Singapore. Asal tiba-tiba siak ?''
'' Kau kan selalu kuar malam. I dont want you to get cold when you're outside late night.''

Does this means my good ol' man just gave me the full access ?!

CALL AKU ANYTIME GANG ! ANYTIME!

Congrats!

2009-07-23T21:18:00.003+08:00

Yes that's the word for my dearest Bie! Congrats for making it into the finals ya! Insyah allah, if I dont have anything on that day, who knows, I could come down again and support your team and you. This time, be sure to hear someone cheering you on.

B&J ; for always. I promise! And I really have tears in my eyes when I see your Facebook album. Eheheh.

So, I had this misunderstanding with one of my dearest girls. She thought I forgetten totally bout her when I did not. Maybe due to the fact that both of us are pretty tied up with school and our personal commitments that we somehow, one way or another , forgets bout this tie between us. I believe we don't forget this friendship or us, it's more to the clash of timings and our personal activties that needs extra attention from us.

So we had this bonding and heart to heart talk the other night and we both ended up crying. That night, I now know how much we need each other in our lives. How much we two girls love each other. ( I want to cry already lahhhhhh!!! ) She said this friendship has lost it's energy. I felt more sad! 'Cause I dont wanna lost anything in this friendship I have with her. Like I told her, she's far better then aDeQ for me to let this friendship slip away. And I realized, being in friendship is like being in a relationship with the opposite sex. It needs to be nurtured and it needs to work out well with both parties. If one party is not sincere in this friendship nothing works. If she feels the lost , I certainly feel it too.

Hence, Lydiawatiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, I dont forget you lah gila! We're more then just this ok ? We're like sisters. Remember the long messages we both sent to each other and what we promise each other ? Promise between us will and must not be broken, ok! Like between Bie and me or Kat and me or Hyun and me, you're just like that. You're like them; one of the best!! You're one of a kind and I'm always ALWAYS by your side. No matter whatever happens. As long as we dont betry each other, we'll rock! I miss you and I'm looking forward for tomorrow. I miss the laughters and I miss all the crappy stuff we always talked bout. And I miss sitting by the park and bullshit with you bout almost everything. So Lydia, don't you worry bout a thing girlfriend, you're one of the best and cheers to manymanymany and a life long friendship! Gua sayang sama lu ok ?

PS: Ramadan , aku kidding je joy, jangan takut. :D Rindu kau jugak ok sayang ? MAHAHA

You're the One.

2009-07-21T23:21:00.002+08:00

Ya you. One hell irritating manic freak.

Who loves to disturb me since I was a kid.
Who loves to make me all red with frustration.
Who enjoys pulling my leg.
Who enjoys to trigger my anger.

Ya. You're the one. Ego manic freak!

And I dont care if you're jealous or not ah, but someone's better ok! WAY BETTER!
Irritating Freak!!

Muhammad Ramadan, gua nampak lu pat luar, lu mati ok joy?

Life as we know it.

2009-07-20T21:26:00.002+08:00

So the dad was fined due to the parking he made last week. The mum told me that he needs the computer to send an email to the HDB for an appeal. Just when I opened the Yahoo! web page he said that he wanted to use my email. Dengar-dengar aku ada motor Super Four pe. I wonder what his Yahoo! email account for. So anyways, he called out for me and asked me to check if everything's alrite. I reread his statment and it seems fine by me. He recheck it again and when I see my dad frowning and wearing his reading glasses, it finally comes to me how aged my old man had all these past few years.

He's greying even more. His face is changing. His hands are rougher. He's losing abit of weight and his fine lines are appearing. Ah my old man. My good 'ol man. We agree on so many things and we disagree to the same number of things. He has always given the best for all of us. Be it the materials, school wise, religious wise and food. You say it, he'll provide it. That's the man of our house. And that's the only man we girls can trust. Daddies. All hail our dads! For without 'em we girls are nothing, literally nothing.

So everything's been good. I'm done with presentation and Photography project. It went pretty well, alhamdulilah. Amazingly enough, I didn't speed when I present nor was I too slow. It was moderate. Thank God! I put a considerable amount of effort in it man if I don't ace this I wont know what to say next.

Life's good in general.

I was caught under the damn rain last week whilst performing for NDP and it got me stuck at home for two schooling days.

Hyun, J and I, we girls are actually facing the same situation now as we speak. Confusion. Questions. Insecurities. Doubts. Heart ache. But I know, somehow or rather we three will pull through this situation and make it out alive. I know we will. We just need the effort and little bit of push and we're on our way. We go girls!

The cousin Nico and I, we're actually wondering how are we exactly related. I dont know bout you but this Nico fella, he seems eager bout how we're related. But he's a nice man. ( READ THAT DAN READ THAT! ) Finally catching up with each other lives now. It's nice to know this fella whom I met only once a year these past few years. All hail phones and technology!

And my mum bought herself two LV wallets!! So jealousssssssssssssssszx! I thought Civil Servant wasnt given bonus this year! One of the days, I'm gonna borrow it from her. I.dont.care!

... im so dead. HAHA.

My lips like sugaaaa~

2009-07-17T17:56:00.010+08:00

In no particular order at all!

I had one of the best TGIF night last week. Before I left my house last week, I prayed to dear God; asking him to at least make this night a fun one and please do make sure that they click as well as I click with them individually. And Thanks to HIM, we all click! In fact, we're so damn click now we can't wait for another event just like this. Another photoshoot, soon?

One of the many reasons why I manage to be as happy as I can.

Simply true. <3>

Against one of the best views.

Opposite our seating place, there was this band blasting our favourite songs. Hyun, Jazz. Restaurant. Bar, next ? ;) Next week perhaps ? Call me! :D

We girls were actually skipping. Haahaha. Felt so darn happy, we girls.

We're like small kids that just got candy floss!

;)

One of the great friend. For long, I vow!

Us girls and the photographerr~

The Vintage style~

God, this is priceless. *rolls* HAHAHAHAH.

My personal favourite. I even have it as my wallpaper! Love this so much!

One of the many paparazzi shots. Mahahha.

One of the best..

Our personalities may be clashed but hell we rock each other life.

My body just looked so paralle somehow ? But I like this too. ;)

The first picture that get all of us clicked, hooked and well, wasted. ( In a good way!)

I can never pose for a proper picture.

Hyun too.

And this man, he can. Mister photographer himself. Thanks alot bro!

And I can never take good pictures. MAHAH.

As promised, the pictures for Darul Ma'wa's Inter Jamiyah Sports Competition. We lost in the netball game but we got Gold for overall. All the way Jamiyah Singapore! Next up, we'll grab that gold netball medal back in their Malaysia soil baby!!

My team and I along with Boy and our Coach.

Who says voluenteer and residents of Darul Ma'wa can never click ? The team and I. :) One of the highlights in my entire life, really.

Silver pun silver lah. :D

Up on the stage to get our medalszx.

Both worlds collided.

Team talk.

The best team mates!

Next year people, next year! All the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

And I cant believe, Im already down for Netball training every sunday. Oh my god. I can never have the entire weekends for myself.

I know my parents won't be reading my blog but I just want to say Im thankful for their support in those weeks whereby I had to be down at kallang to have my training and for the many training I'll be having every sunday. I just want to thank both of them for the deepest understanding that I've ever known and experienced. It's aint easy for me to handle all of these in one go. I really Thank God that the training and competition was held during my holidays. If it doesnt, I wont know what to do. But I shouldnt be happy at all for next year, we wont know if it clash with my school or otherwise. If it does clash with my school, hopefully I'll be able to make it through. Whatever it is, I'm truely thankful towards the dad and mum for letting me participate in this and it does open a huge opportunity for me to contribute back to Ma'wa in any means I possibly can. Thanks Ayah. Thanks Ibu. I apperciate every bit of support and understanding. And I understand this is just the beginning of a new saga.

And thank you for all of you who wished the team and I lucks on that day. Be it text message or Msn messages. The team and I were and still are grateful for that thoughtful gestures. Insyah Allah , next year, we'll do you and us proud. We're counting on it. Iyerlah apa tidaknyer, training dah start dok.

I'll update more on my current life. I realized, I blog more bout my past weeks then my current ones. I'm so late in updating myself on my life. Weird? I know loh!

You know..

2009-07-16T11:04:00.003+08:00

Two angmoh walked past them,

" You know , I 've always wanted to be with an angmoh."

He glanced at them and smirked , " They're smelly lah you. Why se?"

She rolled her eyes, " Typical remark. People always said that. They're unique lah. Big, hot, handsome and all, kan ? "

He sinked in his chair and closed his eyes, '' But too bad you're here stuck with a malay.''

'' I know. And Im happy, which is ironic."

Still closing his eyes, he flashed one of his biggest smile. That just made her night.

Proper update soon,I promise!

... thank you, :)

Updates

2009-07-06T12:24:00.010+08:00

In no order at all.

1) It was Ina birthday last month. Twenty Six June. So the ladies went for Sentosa that day. But it wasnt for a swim but for some sight seeing. I know rite, sight seeing in Sentosa for a Singaporean. Just what the fuck. So anyways, I was amazed that the sister knows her way around Sentosa and I dont. I kept goin' '' How the fuck you know how to get here ?'' or '' Amcm kau leh tahu abih aku tak tahu ni ? '' Gang ( to whoever that I always go out with ) , you know what this means ?

And the sister carried a fucking big snake. Yes a snake. A fucking big gigantic snake! I had to stand few feet away from her just to take her picture. She was one hell of a crazy bitch. I freaked out when she HELD THE SNAKE'S HEAD WHO THE FUCK HOLDS ON TO THE SNAKE'S HEAD! I KEPT GOING OMG A THOUSANDS TIME. OMG LAH PLS. EVEN THE MUM STOOD BEHIND ME AND BEGGED NANI NOT TO DO IT. WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO THIS !! OMG CRAZY BITCH. A picture with the big fucking snake cost my mum five bucks. Five fucking bucks. But the picture can be took countless time so the sister post for the camera manymanymany times. Fuck, she thinks her akak not a scary kitten. Bodoh. The snake went all around her neck and her body lah please. FUCKKKKKKKKKKK. So fucking scary. Just who the fuck post for camera with snake's head in her hands and the snake body wrap all around her neck and body ? The snake was heavy!! And she said that the snake kept gliding all around her shoulders , her tummy. OH MY GOD. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. ARGH.

BIG RIGHT THE SNAKE! FUCK HER! SO BRAVE! OMGSZX. I salute her that day. If only I've got extra hundred bucks , I'd pay you adik! I HAD ( read : HAD ) to stand closer to her 'cause she demanded a clear picture. I almost cried , really. My mum had to stop me from shaking and trembling. Bodoh. Ini semua naninyer pasal. Tengok lah senyuman yang gembira. Dia suka tengok aku dalam ketakutan. Babi.

After this shot, trust me, I dare NOT to touch her Manu jersey nor her. I walked fast when I saw her coming my way. HAHAH. My grandma scolded her for taking picture with that stupid snake. LOLOL. Oh my god, seeing the picture makes me feel as though the picture was taken mintues ago.

Ina was damn scared. You could literally see it in her face.

Kesian birthday girl. Muka cramp. HAHA.

I swear, on my birthday , I wont ask the sister to tour Sentosa with me. 'Cause she said, she wanted to buy any amount of money just to get that snake on my body. Fucking crazy. I was fucking freaked out by her bravery she bet me to do it. Never in my entire life! It either she die or I die. Either way. We'll see what the news had to say on 15 January 2010.

So anyways, the family had our traditional small gathering. With prayers said by Grandmama. It was a beautiful night that night. Hugs and kisses were exchanged around the dinner table and we all love that little cutie pie.

So Ina darling, dont grow up so fast please. Both of the Akaks still need their little sister ok ? We love you more then you know it. We have you under our wings and we'll together be the beautiful and treasured daughters of our parents ok Ina ? Jihah loves you.

2) Tug of War and Netball Friendly with the Alamak.

Both sports were the talk of the week. We beat James Wong ( goggle please ) in Tug of War and we got the big gold thropy. All in all, we won! We were all high on 100 Plus and Sugar. Mummy and Uncle couldnt be more proud of us. Especially Uncle.

The whole Orange Team. Congrats Team! We made it. It was a tough pull that last pull. We all wanted to give up , really. It was sucha tough pull that we were all been jerked to the front! After we won the last round, all of us, and I mean it all of us, fell down on the field and rested for our dear life. I had brusies on my right arm and Bie torn her skin. But it was worth the pain. Bie's boyfriend fell during the pull and he managed to stand up. Salute you bro! Baik punya!! We might dont have the strength but we do have strategy and team spirit. Amcam? Next year tarik lagi kapaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

After Tug of War, some of us went to over to Dhoby Ghaut , driven by Boy, to watch movie. But since we'll be having netball hours later , we just hang around till time to move to Kallang. It was a tough , neck to neck netball game with the boys. That netball game was a head up for the Jamiyah's Team. I had to play all through fourty mintues of the game. It amazed me how I survived all the jumping and running. But it was a good game.

Us in play. Baik Adinda!

Baik Sally!

We're the one in pink Bibs.
The shooter and the defender.

I was in play baby!

Cakap dengan aku. Sapa tak nak potong kaki dan tangan si Ayim ? Dah lah panjang nak lompat. Made us girls pretty tension when Sis wanted to shoot in.
Look! Just by raising his hands he literally blocks Sis' view!

In dua maut! The best player for respective teams.

Good communication girls!

''PRESSURE GIRLS PRESSURE!!''

3) Inter- Jamiyah Competition.

For some of you that are not aware. Both Jamiyah Singapore and Jamiyah Selangor held Sports Competition annually. Last year was held in Selangor itself and this year it was Singapore's turn to host it. We won first place in all sports - Bowling , Soceer , Badminton. Thanks to all these three games, Jamiyah Singapore holds on to the gold throphy again this year! BAIK PUNYA! AWESOME BABY! ( Inside Joke between Sis and me )

However , we girls were defeated at the extra five mintues for Netball. We were neck to neck at 10-10 after the final quaters. So we had another five more mintues to determine the winner. If only we were to maintain the momentum of the game for five mintues, I bet we'll won gold. But we didn't. We girls came in Second. I had to play throughout the game. The hot weather left all of us breathless and fighting againts ourselves. Even Adinda was short of breathe due to the fast pace of the game and the hotness the weather had for us that Saturday afternoon. We played the game but it wasnt at our best that last five mintues but we had fun and it was really an eye opener.

So girls, afraid not. We'll be going to Selangor next year and we'll take back that gold position they took from us. It was our official first game together and we'll do our training every sunday religiously. We've to hold our heads high up for we fought for this land with every bit of our sweat and breathe. We'll do this country proud next year, wont we ?

Im proud of us girls. We'll do better next year. Jam di mana-mana ? JAMIYAH!

Those activities are what kept me busy throughout my holiday. I'll update more on Charade, the mini outing with GFLs and the pictures for Inter Jamiyah Sports Competition. Im still feeling the aftermath of the netball tournament and the sunday closing ceremony of Inter Jamiyah. Now all Ive to focus on is my NDP. They're already performing previews for the spectators. Good god, I've missed out alooooooooooot.

So, technically speaking, I doubt I'll catch my breathe as soon as I can. Suddenly I've the huge mountain of jam pack activities to be done. And some other commitments to be fulfilled. And suddenly I've matters of the heart to attend to. Suddenly so busy, scary! :S

... be more supportive , for me, please?

:)

2009-07-03T01:32:00.004+08:00

'' I need to know if we're on the same page. I dont want to go through this alone. You dont have to follow me if you want, really.''

'' If this is what you want, I'll follow through, as long as you're happy that's my priority. Not only we're on the same page, we're on the same chapter and same book. And many more books to come.''

'' As long as I know you'd be there , I'll take risks. We need to go through this together and not one sided. Even if shit happens, we'll know we've given our best.''

'' whatever happens, we'll go through it together. Ignore them. I didnt steal you from them nor you steal me from anyone. ''

Of beautiful conversations and characters,
I wish mine had beautiful background of sunsets,
red skies,
clear round moon,
but what was exchanged ,
was just enough.
Thank you :)

... slowly and steadly

All i need is ...

2009-06-30T01:51:00.007+08:00

I dont know if anyone understands my situation right now. It's like I want it to happen but I dont want this to happen. Maybe 'cause I'm dead scared for this kind of thing to happen. And maybe I still have that one man in my head. I dont know if I'm moving on or otherwise but either way, its not doing good to me. I couldnt stop comparing him to N. God, I can never stop doing that. I found myself saying ,

'' N didnt say that but N said something else instead.''
'' Ok so he isnt like N 'cause N will always say something along this line.''
or '' He makes everything looks right but N makes it feel right and it's right smack on the dot.''

N said those words that Ive been waiting and wanting to hear. I told Bie , I still have him in my head and I still lower down my head whenever I passed a comment bout him - out of random. Just like on Sunday whilst waiting for Netball to begin, I suddenly said to Bie ,

'' You know, his birthday's on 9th October.''

And Bie went, '' Why the fuck you remember his birthday for ?''
and he asked , '' Who's this N ? ''
And I answered , '' Oh , some friend.''
'' some special friend '' I later mumured under my breath.

Ive him alot in my mind these days. Im still figuring out why the fuck I still have him in my head. And it seems damn hard for me to get him out of my mind. This feeling is so strong that it aches so much. Im still figuring out my hurt. Im still healing. But I can never move on. This feeling , like I said, is so damn strong that I cant forsee myself dating anyone else.

N said the right things at the right time. He really DID catch me when I fall and he really was there for me be it for my happier moments or my sad moments. You know when someone said he/she will be there for you no matter what. Be it the time or the day. N lift up to it. 'Cause I remember texting him four in the morning saying I cant sleep for I just had my coffee and I'm pretty disturbed. He with his sleepy sexy voice called me up seconds after that asking if I'm alrite and if I wanna share everything. He didnt sleep that one night listening to my heart pour.

And how I love it when he called up saying , '' You nak tahu tak my friend tadi kejut I mcm ada ..... blahblahblah. '' How he makes me be involved in his life. It made me feel Im part of it to and I'm as important as any daily routine he's doing. And how he complains like a small child 'cause his bunk mates complain saying his balls hurt and want N to send him to the Doc's straight away whislt holding on to his balls. And how N'll call up me for two mintues in between waiting for his Sarg. How he'll sempat to nag at me for not be home as early as I possibly can. How he'll pressure me to shut down my computer to give all my attention to him. How he'll remind me to perform my solat every day. How he'll promise me he'll quit smoking. How he wants my help to remind me that he needs to stop smoking. How he'll be extremely firm when he knows Im side tracking. Etc, etc, etc.....

He made this huge an impact on me. One thing caught me thinking till today , what exactly did he do or say that makes me so incomplete like now. Even if Im happily dating someone right now, Im not that happy as I thought I would be. I thought I've moved on and I should, shouldnt I ? But no , this feeling's inside me is too strong. I dont know what feeling I'm feeling now but I know, it's holding me back from something that's about to happen.

And I dont know what I'm suppose to do. I dont expect much help 'cause I know everything up to me. All I need is a bit of support and encouragement to slowly move on. Clearly I did never moved on. I feel so vulnerable and incomplete. Every part of my being aches for his voice now.

Forgive me. Im suppose to talk bout Futsal , Ina and Netball , but this, I need to get it off my chest. I really need this space like no one else need.

It's true when I say , it seems like, he has been the only one that kept me on track many months ago and again it IS true when I say, all i need right now is ....

Michael Jackson.

2009-06-26T08:53:00.002+08:00

Who can fathom the fact that he's dead ? I cant, really.

This is a too great a news for me. The Mum shook my body drastically just to tell me the news, I woke up immediatly and stayed in bed. I couldnt hardly moved. The song '' You're Not Alone'' comes running in my head. And slowly my mind became a playlist. '' You Rock my World'' was next. And the infamous Billie Jean. And so on.

When I finally made my way to catch the news myself. I kept going Oh my god and text Mr A and Kat. This is surreal. This is big. DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE JUST LOST ? The greatest artist of all time. There's no one that could sing like he can. Not even David Cook's version of Billie Jean.

As I play my playlist over and over again with his songs , my hair stood on it's ends. This is a feeling I can never explain. You've to be introduced his songs since you were a kid like I was. The dad loves this man a whole lot. The dad introduced me Billie Jean when I was just six years old. And my mum just told me I used to dance along with the beat. Along with the new introduction of Michael Learns to Rock and Earth Wind and Fire.

I remembered vividly that one night when the Dad came home with new CD in his hand. Michael Jackson number ONES. He present it to me and said '' Untuk Akak.'' See how big a deal MJ is in my family. It's a fucking big deal. We're his biggest family. From the Dad to me to my GrandMama. Good God!

The dad just called mum here at home. And my mum told me , the Dad's voiced dropped tremendously. I forsee mourning in the house later.

Michael, you'll always be remembered by this family. This family who has listen to your music since the Dad's generation. I'll pass this down to my childern someday. I'll treasure your every cd that the Dad and I have. I'll.... God, nothing can express what Im feeling right now.

RIP Mj, RIP. You'll always be remembered. Always by me. Always. I'll be playing your songs one whole day and I'm wearing black today.

... MJ's the man I'll remember for life.

Old me please stand up!

2009-06-25T02:38:00.006+08:00

Is it just me or it's Thursday, already! It freaks me out , totally. I dont know what the heck I've been doing thoughout my damn holidays and it's Thursday. Another twenty four hours, it's the youngest kid fifth birthday.

Oh and come to think of it, I've not done any special dedication post for the Father's Day. No wait, I didnt even have a proper dedication for Mother's Day!! Holy cow. Ive notice that Ive not been keeping to the trend that I set for myself. Ive been blogging randomly. Heck, I've the lazy mood to blog already man! No, this cant do.

Hopefully I wont be lazy come Friday night so that I'll have proper special dedication for that cutie pie in the family. She may look like a cutie pie to you but when she opens her mouth to talk, you just wish she will shut her gap. That's how annoying that little kiddo can get. It can be whiny and loud at times, no it's actually everytime, but those loud voices and her pampering voices kept me happy and hype up everytime I wake up or walk in that front door. I dont know if it's just me or what, but whenever I walk into that front door, she'll run from where ever she was and shout my name as loud as she can and hug my legs real tight. She gave the same treatment to my mum. But not to the dad nor baby sister. Maybe she's closer to me ? I dont know.

I remembered what the dad once told me ,
'' Ina tak selalu duduk gitu dengan Nani.''
'' Ayah noticed?'' I asked.
'' Aboden.''

How does that little cutie pie sits with me? Under my armpit-literally and I'll put my hands around her and cuddle her up like that- every single time. She'll sit like that with me with either a book in a her hand or a her teddybear ( which was supposed to be mine ) or her Barney or both of her favorite toys. I love her that noisy kiddo. I don't know what I'll do without her piercing voice and her chubby cheeks. Ina darling please my dear, do not grow up so damn fast? Jihah still needs her annoying pampering sister.

Anyhoo, I just finished reading Marjorie Morningstar. I had to reloan it 'cause I was damn busy and I couldnt finish reading it a month ago. But I didnt regret paying my fines and reloan it for the second time. I can totally relate with the main character.

And that will be told another time. I've notice too that , I kept saying I'll jot down some happenings in my life but I didnt, no? Ah fuck, where's the old me! Please, do stand up!

Alone

2009-06-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

I've nothing in mind now except for projects. It's really going to eat my time and take control of every mintue I'm passing by. I seek solitude right here alone in Nbl. Surronded with tons of Arts related books and I in particular is surronded by Photography books. I hope I'll be able to wrap up my research soon 'cause I've other commitments to focus on. For I'm in in Singapore Jamiyah Netball team. One heck of a big deal. If one of us screwed the game up , we're doom. This calls for intensive running and stamina building. I dont know if it's just me or I suddenly have LOTSLOTS of activies to fulfill ? Hopefully , I'll be able to spend sometime alone with myself and the family and him. And with the friends as well. But now , since I'm alone with myself , accompany only with my Htc , Photography books and stack of papers , I'll enjoy every moment alone. I be myself best when I'm alone. I feel the sense of achiements and satisfactory when I complete the task at mind in peace. So people , date me only after 5. This is sooooo not holiday for me. More soon ;)

... thank you, you :)

Busy like a bee. Damn cliche

2009-06-18T22:24:00.002+08:00

Work.
Script.
NDP training.
Netball Selection.
Script.
Emcee.
Tug of war/Netball.
Photography project.
Business Fundamental project.
Test.
Fifty six emails per day.
Movies.
Dates.

Oh my god. I'm damn busy right now I cant imagine how the heck I'm gonna pull through this weeks. I'm down with two weeks left to do my script and projects and study for the class test. Amist all these busy timing, I'm , well , enjoying.

More and proper one soon. I promise...

... not , really.

Of Business views

2009-06-16T23:08:00.003+08:00

China people , they are very funny bunch of people, really. Just today during work, whilst watching CNBC , Ling served this China Lady.

'' What're these?'' she had asked Ling with those curious sepet eyes.
'' This is Chicken Pie and this is Curry Puff.'' Ling explained.
'' Ah ? This is what pie ?'' clearly she's deaf , I thought.
'' Chicken Pie.'' Ling smiled.
'' Chicken Pie ? Where's the chicken?''
'' HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH What the ( continues swearing in her heart ).'' I laughed.

Fucking funny man. You should have seen the frown on her face which clearly stated where's the chicken - LITERALLY. She looked as though she's damn worry as though the chicken's gone from the pie and curious on the term Chicken Pie. Damn funny. Oh my god. I cant contain my laughter when I heard that man. Holy cow.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA. Fuck these funny China people. Damn funny.

The whites are generally friendly while the locals who thinks they're one hell of a big shot being the Exhibitor of one of the major events worldwide. I hate those local. They strolled in with that high nose of their's. It's funny , really, when the whites are generally of a higher position ( Vip card holders ) walked around smiling and nodding to me while the locals ( Exhibitors/Local card holders) walked in Expo as though the world own them a fuckin' living. NO smiles. NO nods. All I could do was just smirked at did couple of learning on my own. Never EVER big so damn blooded big headed even if you're the damn president of the world man. NEVER.

I was digusted on what I experience today. One China lady ( HAHAHAH , differnet one lah nabey) she wore Burberry dress. So this Burberry China lady who's a Vip Card holder , walked around looking so aimlessly for her trader.When she stood in front of my ''office'' , she looked around and gave me one big fat Good Morning smile that says '' Good Morning.'' Totally made my day man. Made my fucking day. So peeps, always ALWAYS smile when I saw another worker on the street or anywhere, it makes their day especially if it's in the early morning. What makes me feels so disgusted? There was this Singaporean Lady ( 'cause she was using Local card holder) she walked INTO my ''office'' and didnt even smile nor nod when we made eye contact. Oh my god, no ? She didnt even want to smile to Ling when she's just a Local Card Vip cards are given out to those Locals and International trades/clients. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee. These Singaporeans really need smacks on their faces. So big headed. So please, never ever be like those typical ugly Singaporeans.

Enough bout that. I travelled to Moscow, Japan, Taiwan, Paiton York and The United States today. Not literally if you dont get what I mean. The temporary job I'm doing now handles people all over the damn world. So when trades across the global came down to Singapore and have a conference/meeting what do they talk bout ? Markets. Investments. Finance.Stocks. Day high. Day low. Top gainers. Top losers. So my ''office'' has this flat screen television that caters to only CNBC thoroughout the damn day. So you can imagine what flooded my mind by the time it strikes six in the evening. Business talks. Markets and stuff like that. I know now who's the Top Gainers and who are the Top Losers. Or how to at least read some of the readings. Or know how fast the market get drop and the likes.

So I've somehow seen the way these people works. These traders that trades currencies. Ive also seen how this one common language bonded the whole damn world right smack in front of my eyes.

Business. Market. Investment. Stocks and ectera.

The world may be made out of different languages - literally or indirectly , it actually interconnected to one another. If Japan Yen isnt doing well, how bad it can effect US's dollars. Or if US's oil is low, how it's gonna effect Taiwan. And how Russia finals have their fast Baric meeting with Taiwan Japan and Us. So you see, the world through my eyes is pretty easy to understand. We are and can be connected in various ways IF we've the common stand and goal. So you , sit back and think how we CAN be connected to the world out there. 'Cause we need the world out there to understand ourselves even more for we learn much more with different people.

'Cause today, via communication and interaction with people, I know now I can NEVER ever deal with office works like how I thought I could. I thought I can do Stock Markets or Analyst. 'Cause hey, these jobs gives instant thousands of dollars but no, I found myself going to sleeping reading those news flashes every now and then on CNBC( even if I learn a new thing it's still consider boring to me ) I need to move around and communicate and interact with clients or whoever so that by the end of the day, I'll feel the job satisfaction. And I just felt that today. Thank God for this job! ( Even though it's damn boring when there's no one around! )

So you see, how being connected is an advantaged, 'cause you get to understand yourself and your abilities more. Give it a try , seize every oppoturnity you gonna get , 'cause you may never know, how it can change your life goals ;)

... i learn ALOT this year ;)

Tattoooooooooooooooo

2009-06-14T02:24:00.002+08:00

Feels like getting one. Good offer shouldnt be declined ;)

School

2009-06-11T10:44:00.002+08:00

I've Museey's music player blasting in my ears right now as we , well, technically speaking. I didnt know that boy of mine loves trance and house music as much as I do. And I must say , his choices of songs, do makes me move.

So anyways, a day and a half left to my three weeks of holiday. I cant wait for it to start and I can totally wait for it to stop. I was talking to the mum yesterday that I cant possibly go to Hard Rock or Butter Factor without being so sleepy that same day. And I carried on by saying that I need to spend my time in the library due to two major projects I'm having. She seems fine when I said I want to watch Kumar again this time around. And she said, she hopes that I'll plan my time properly and never to compromise my studies to the many activities and enjoyment I'm seeking. She even said that she understands that I need a time out from all the major study load that I'll be facing come holidays. This is a holiday FROM school but not FROM the study load, she had reminded me.

Guess what, I got a four days job during this holiday. It'll be held in Singapore Expo. It's some International Conference thingy. Soooooooooooooooo, Kat do you know what I mean by INTERNATIONAL. MAHHAHHA. Even Banu says there's angmoh. Hopefully the job goes well. And Thank God it's only for four days. If not , I doubt I'll be involved. Heh.

My mind's dead now. I cant hardly think on what to rent bout. If you want to know, I'm directly under the aircon with Mr Foong gibbering bout Petty Cash which NONE of us's listening. 'Cause why ? We've already slip our minds and being into the holiday mood. So, till next time people. ( Ah fuck, damn formal) Laterszx!

... southstylers

Hectic Month.

2009-06-08T20:29:00.004+08:00

Yes. That's what my up coming holiday/June and July will be. I've lots of activities to attend to and too many items to buy.

Allow me to list them all for my head's in a HUGE mess right now and I need to reshuffle it to priorities.

First up. I've my Balcony Bar dates with girlfriendszx and Ralvin. In which we cant still decide the date for either one of us couldnt make it. This sucks big time really. Im dying for a relaxation with them over couple of drinks or two. Come one babies! Be free on the 19th! :(

Secondly, my CMB's project. So the team and I agreed on the main topic in which will be Arts. We were supposed to do Wedding but we forsee complications on the decision of subtopics so we past that and agree on Arts. Initially I picked Music however, another team already had their say in it. And I finally settled down to Photography. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I know NUTS bout Photography to begin with man. I mean, wooooooooooooo. Photography is a big major sub topic of a newbie like me. I certainly forsee many many hours spend in the library. But the thought of flippin' the research books, taking down important notes, ahhhhhhh, bliss! The negative impact on this project is that, Melor wants it to be in Cd Rom format. Yes , you read it right. Cd Rom. That means, we've to be taped and our mini presentation will be evaluated based on that video tap. The sub topic research materials will be presented indiviually in the class. This goes without saying that there'll be LOTS and LOTS of planning to be done and lots of meet up to be made. There goes my holidays ; partially!

Thirdly, the guest list for our NYE's party. And couple of lopholes we've to look into. Up till date, my team and I couldnt get the full strength of ten people. Hopefully come Monday, which will be the next meet up, we'll have our full ten members. So this coming Monday, all of us will be rebreif again and hopefully able to finalise the guest list asap. Thinking bout it makes me so bloody excited!

Up next, my weekly NDP training. The training has been a-okay so far. Indeed, it may takes majority of my Saturdays but I know the finale will turn out to be great. First class view of the fireworks, team work, dances, customers,make ups, hair dos and the likes, will be remembered for the longest time. This could even be one of the best moments I could dearly hold on too.

Following suit, end of this month, 27th June, I'll be the host for one of the highlighted events in Darul Ma'wa. Eeeeeeeeeee. Saying it just gives me the creeps! And my co-host will be my dear beloved ex. HAHAHA. Sis said that we both must have the chemistry between each other so that we both will be able to spice things up on that night. Chemistry habis. Jangan bergaduh sua ah. Hahahaha. So we both must really come up with the script and hopefully sometime next week we both will be able to sit and talk bout it in depth , ok my dear MM ?

Those are the main events. So the mini event that will nevertheless hight my holidays should be.

Sentosa with dear Lydia. My dear, can we NOT put it on Tuesday? For Monday's meetin' and the following Wednesday, I've date with the familia. We'll talk bout it soon. Ok ?

Hard Rock with Baybeeeeeee and some others? Well, it's still under consideration. But it'll be a plus point if it happens. I miss Kumar THISTHIS much. :(

Rebel or ButterFactory with either the dear gila MM or with the ITE inmates. Yes these two group of people are begging me to hit the club baby!

Wala2 Cafe with my dear Hyun ? Holland V. leh!!! Shit , I miss studying Geography there. Tsk. Oh and Hyun if the rest cant make it for Balcony or Wala2 Cafe, just go ahead with the plan ya? It wasnt that bad, wasnt it when we hit the pub at East Coast ? Hmmmm. We'll plan AGAIN , soon :D ( But please make this plan works my Dear God, I miss those babies terribly! Especially RALVIN VALBERG. MISTER IF YOURE READING THIS YOU'RE MISSED BOY! )

Picnic with the class ? I dont know man. The venue will be at SembawangfuckingPark. Whothefuckhaveapicnictherelikeseriousssssssssssssssssssly?!!?!?!??!!? Was totally turned off bout it. I mean, cant we do it like East Coast like how Susu suggested ? Or Sentosa? Ah, I might not even turn out for that day.

I desperately in need of :
- Shades ; preferablely CK's.
-Leather Jackets.
-THAT LV's Heels.
- NEW HAIRFUCKINGCUT!

Can someone pleaseeeeeee recommend me any sugar daddies that are available as and when I'll need him ? MAHAHAH.

You know, after listing of everything, my head's still in the mess. I think it is due to the fact that I've yet to pick a proper date for majority of the happenings, that's why I'm like confused and unsure bout my holidays. That's why I really need an organiser. Which I already have one. But I've yet to fill the blanks up yet! Ah, so those peeps who wants to date me out anytime, text me whenever asap! Before my day's been booked. But aiya! I think I'll do the callin' and textin' part, 'cause I miss you people TOO much already.

It seems my weeks are preplanned , I just have to get my pen and mobile ready any time of the day. When I'm all packed and ready to go, it'll be '' Goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeee boredom , Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo WORLDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!"

... in need of enjoyment, no?

Temporary Holidays.

2009-06-05T19:18:00.003+08:00

Finally, it's The friday I've been talking about. What's so great bout Friday you may ask. It's the day where all temporary holidays and party animal come out to play that is why! I'm really amazed when I asked around with regards to their plan on TGIF's night. I had recieved remarks saying that they dont even know what the heck is TGIF!! How can they nnot know? It's so weirdddd. What planet are they from, really ? :S

So, my hours in school and time duration to and fro, calculates up to the same amount of hours normal working adult spends in work. I'll be dead tired when I got home. An hour and a half later , mum'll be home from work.

So you see, I treasure Fridays and the Weekends. Despite the fact that these comin' weekends of mine will be filled up with both NDP and F1 trainings sessions which practically means my weekends are burnt. Which also means I cant enjoy my weekends that much with my memberszx/kakiszx/girlfriendszx or whatever. Thank God I still have my Fridays to spare. That's why I treasure my Fridays a whole lot. I'll treasure it even more if my Fridays are up for laughin' and catchin' up session till the late night. With that said, Ive yet to be home by three in the morning , this cant do !

I.need.to.get.back.my.weekly.enjoyment.moments!! I'm craving and yearning for it , I can't believe I'm saying this to even begin with. This is absurd, really. Maybe I'm already too used to the long holidays I had during the pre O levels results which makes everyday TGIF and holiday. Maybe I'm already tooooo use to the relaxation over the nong nong holidays I had.

And with that, I'm all gear up to spend my holidays catchin' up with my drama series , sleep and outdoor(night) adventure! So party animals, movie goners and whatever, it's timeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to get wasted !!

Text me , call me, Msn me, Gmail me or whatever. If not , wait for me smses, calls and Msn messages ;)!! Wait for me you lovelies.

Sentosa?
Balcony bar?
Hrc ?
St James?
Butter Factory ?
Where?
When?
Wait for it youuuuuuuuuuuuuu and youuuuuuuu and you and you and YOU! ;)

... take me high !

Formula One

2009-06-03T21:19:00.003+08:00

Ferarri's been shitty shit shit this season. Who the fuck is this new up comin' racer anyway ? The last time I checked they were at the bottom ranking last season! It freaks the shit out of me when I watched them raced and all I got was , Ferrari Top Ten. Whatever happened to Kimi and Massa, really!

Everytime I checked Construction Standing my heart aches alot. Brawn-Mercedes has a total score of 86 and can you guess how did Ferarri do ? They got 17 points. Yes. 1.7. Seventeen. TUJUH BELAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111

And where did Kimi stand ? He has NINE points. Yes. N.i.n.e. Sembilan.9 !!!!!!!!!!!!! When I watched Australian Grand Prix, I remembered sayin' to myself and Nani, '' Ferarri will be back on the next Grand Prix''

Following race, Malaysia. WORSE! Chinese Grand Prix ? Utterly dissappointed. What bout the rest of the races till Turkey next week ? I'm fuckin' speechless.

I mean come on. This is THE worse result Ferarri has got so far. Rumors has it that Kimi's quittin'. IF he DO want to quit , can you please Kimi baby, quit with grace for all of the Ferarri fans ? I cant imagine how the heck that guy with the gigantic Ferarri flag will feel when he parade it around after each race.

I'm really sad. I've been keepin' track of the news, results and performances by Ferarri this season. Is it too early to say that they'll be back next season or is there any hope left ? You know, my heart strongly believe that the latter doesnt apply here anymore. Ferarri'll be back next season. I know they will.

But it's bad enough that Kimi lost his position last season in Singapore. I dare not forsee or forsay his performance this comin' September. And it's really sad for a Ferarri fan like me. My heart had already promised itself that I'll get my viewing tickets for this season come what may. Be it the dad pays for it full or half price. Be it I've to work come June holidays. Be it I've to save my money JUST for that exclusive seatin'. Be it via Dad's CC. WHATEVER! I'll get my hands on the ticket.

But it seems fate's been good. Syukur Alhamdulilah. For I'm selected for Formula One voluenteerin' team! It's either the Grandstand or Merchendising Crew. I hope and HOPE it's the Grandstand!!!!!!!!!!!! Insyah Allah , Amin.

*chant* GrandStand! Grandstand! Grandstand!*chant*

I texted Kat and mummy immediatly after I've done my screamin' and jumpin' up and down with Cyn and buddy Wei Jet. What Kat replied really adds to my excitment.

But Syukur Alhamdulilah Amin. I'm sexcited!!

But it's sad. When I FINALLY invovle one way or another for something I really have passion bout the team I love isnt doing well. :(

Im excited plus sad. I know , I'm talkin' gibberish now. My mind is not in it's right flow. But what I know is, Im happy plus sad!

Sorry !! Proper update soon. Cant contain my excitment now. You cant believed how loud I said '' MY NAME MY NAME!!!!'' and how hard I jumped when I got home.

Proper one soon. Sorry.

Dear me.

2009-05-28T00:03:00.003+08:00

Dear Me,
you know it's hard to be me. Due to lots of commitment and activities. What more with the up comin' two big projects at hand. And two CAs. NDP training and Mawa's end of June and October event. And the meeting every month with the gang with regards to our big party come year end. Being in the BL , forsees lots of camps and emcee's duties. And the organising campuses and school event.

Ah, you yearn for prolong weekends and ninteen hours of sleep. But you like this. You like this alot. It makes dear me tired and worn out but it makes dear me wants to work hard and achieve more. You know you can pull through all of this in no time. All you need is good time management.

Yeap. That's the ultimate key. You can enjoy and be streesful due to school in the same time. You can party all night long and be achieve great results in schoo. Good time management is all you need. And from now on, you'll have to work even closer with your organiser and phone. You'll keep all your work in place and you'll follow exactly what you've planned for the week.

Dear me, this is a promise that you've to keep to yourself. Plan wisely , follow and carry it out. Make sure what you plan will be balanced out with studies, projects, school's activties, BL, families, parties, friends and Prison Break. You know it's pretty impossible for a being to divide herself to all that mentioned above. You're not being idealistic ( like someone labelled you that way ) here but you know you can do what your heart and mind sets to do. All you need to do is believing and be confident in yourself and fuck the rest.

Yes you may want to give up half way or just breakdown due to the forsee stress but remember what you want to be in the future and how you want your life to be ten years down the road. Remember where you want to travel, what house you want to get, what lifestyles you want to live. Remember how your aunty diss you. Remember what those people said behind your back. Remember how much tears you've cried hearin' all those shits. Remember how those people makes your parents feel. Remember how it makes YOU feel. Just remember the delicious future life you'll have and also remember those horrible horrible past you've had. Just remember. Remember that dear me and you'll get your strength and motivation.

So dear me, dont you worry bout a thing honey. 'Cause you've got me to make you the best that the world have yet to see. So hang on for dear life, 'cause Im just bout to bring you into the wild rollercoaster ride in your life.

... remember dear me!

Updates!

2009-05-25T19:14:00.013+08:00

What a Monday and what a week last week was!

From my TGIF night till Sunday , I was out and about.

So Friday was spent with the hilarious party people over in East Coast. The event was mainly for Shakinah and Firman for they born in the same month. Hyun , B ( HAHAH ) and myself made our way down. It was extremely far from the main entrance. For that Shakinah booked their pit all the dow to number 3. Kurang ajar suruh aku jalan jauh-jauh.

We ''party'' till late. While the rest ''party'' til the break of dawn. I wished Hyun and myself could have stayed but both ladies were dead beat and I've other commitments to fulfill the following Saturday.

Thanks to Shikin ( MINAH REP )'s dad ( MAT DRIVER TERBESAR DI JURONG ) for sendin' me home that Saturday mornin'. He had send me home so oftenly before that he no longer needs me to direct him to my place. ( AKU DAH CAKAP DIA KAN MAT DRIVER TERBESAR )

So , actually, Hyun and I , we both have issues with each other. I dont know why the heck she wants to challenge with me. On the basis of Car and men. She could never understand that Din and I are together on that particular BBQ Pit only. And that she will never understand that my man is better then her kurus nak mampos Zahid. And that all she get from her man is Bently and I get a Spider Ferarri from my B. Jealous cakap je ok minah ? Tak paya nak besarkan cite. Knn.

Ehk minah, jantan aku lebih mulia dari jantan kau ok? Besar sangat ke mamat kau ? Lu relax sudah ok joy ?

But that Friday, both Hyun and I discovered a new hangout place for both of us. The Vista Bistro. With live band, good wine and beer, the excellent quality of food, dark and dim surrondings with little lightings and with light breeze from the sea, it was a place that we both have been lookin' out for. Hopefully we both will be able to sit in for more of private chats and quality hangouts.

Contradiction , huh ? Have issues with each other but still have private chats. Like the witty Hyun said, '' THE Hyporcrites Royalities.''

My ladies throughout the fall and up of each other's life. :)

Tak ke macam minah rep si Hyun ni ? AGREE WITH ME ! Heh.

Total ya Im the greatest! Mahahaha.

Jantan gua lebih baik dari jantan kurus lu ! :D !! Dinyyy babyyyyyy~ ( HAHAHAH )

My bestfriend's and Hyun's number one fan's party! :) I love you both ok ?! :D

And Saturday was spent studyin' and catchin' up with both Accounts and Suhana. You know, I'm really fond of this Su babe of mine. She's classy , pretty and pretty much down to earth. We both bring our lunches to school everyday. How cute! We both have the same goal and wants after we graduated from ITE. We both like the same clothin' and the same sense of fashion. It's like havin' Hyun and J and Shakinah in a whole. Who says we girls need man when we have good trusthworthy girlfriends like 'em ? :D

And after much of studyin' , we hang around and watched couple of dances from Belgium. And I the angmoh dancers stared right through me. I thought I could have just jump right off my seat and into his damn strong arms. Those deep set grey eyes and that sharp jawline. Yummylicious ! It has been a while since both of us sit along Singapore river till the late night and we did. We tried to snap couple of pictures but flunk terribly for our camera phone sucks. And her laptop camera tak berguna satu haram pun!! We gave up and just have one hell of a time with each other. From personal experiences, nonsense jokes and ghost stories we shared under that starry night. Wa lup sama lu ok Susu ?

I had my fair share of talks and few laughters with the dear sick Lydia darling after that. I met her and she was in a pretty bad shape. I pity you darling!! Take care ok. Ya , I understand that you cant laugh that much we'll make up for our regularly laughing session this comin' TGIF night ya!! Better recover by then. I miss our jokes and our laughters already leh :( And again I was home late in the wee hours of the Sunday morning.

This was taken today. Just look at my damn eyebags!!! :(

Stress ye kak ? Very diligent girl.

Hyun, I miss the weekends we burn in the library due to O's. I miss those study moments with you lah minah rep!! :(

During one of the presentation days. Sempat habis.

One of the NDP breifin day.

And Sunday was spend with the rest of the girls. We had our second training for NDP. And basically the rest of us can't wait for the actual day itself! It's gonna be fun, really. With all the makeups, hairdo, clothin', performing for the entire Singaporeans. Who WONT have fun , no ? See us on TV.

And today's Monday was an unexpected day at all. 'Cause in the early mornin' of today, I texted J expressin' my heartache out. I almost come to tears when I typed those text messages. Ah, these mind cant get a rest these days. Due to ... Well, this evening , I recieved a text mesagae from Emil that I successfully get myself into Bridge Leaders! I personally thought I screwed up the damn interview. But I didnt know what I thought to be a horriblely done was a key to let me into the next new path I'm gonna take. Heck, I'm over the moon now actually. With the arrival of my bag and the big good news from Emil, I couldnt really ask for more at this moment. I just wanna live in ths present moment. Syukur Allhamdulilah.

Finally it's here. In my arms you'll be. :)

I found myself when I found you, 'cause you were everythin' Im not. But when I lost you , I lost myself along the way, 'cause you were the only one that kept me sane. For all that worth , it has not been the same way ever since that unfaithful day.

... to feel this way

Random

2009-05-20T16:49:00.005+08:00

'' Ah ? What ?!'' I was extremely shocked when the dad suddenly brushed my hands off my knees

'' Jangan sahpasdupasdjuaspdpdasdh!!'' He shouted.

'' WHAT LAH ?!'' I shouted even louder.

''EDASDdasdasdnasdnapdjsapdjsad!!!'' And he laughed out sohard that his bike shook!

I looked at his side view mirror and I saw him smiling so widely.

Yes, those conversation took place this morning when we both were on the bike goin' approximately 110km. So those weird lookin' words are actually his words to me when all of it was carried away by the wind even before I could grasp what the fuck he was sayin'. Futhermore, my ears were plucked in.

When we finally reached our destination, I asked him.

'' What were you tryin' to say siak? Akak boleh dengar Jangan pastu entah apa mepek.''
'' No! I cant see my sideview mirror 'cause you arc your hands up so high! Kalam kabut ayah.''
'' LAH!!! I THOUGHT WHAT!'' I really did say that so loudly.
''Then why ketawa ? Sampai bergoyang motor.''
''Tak ada. Kita macam budak bodoh bobal atas motor padahal satu menda pun tak leh dengar.''

Wah lau father , tak kelakar at all!
***
You know, some people are downright judgemental. They dont seems to understand that I am so worn out from school come weekends and all I want to do is just to stay in and sleep. I may be online everyday but does that means I'm constantly chatting ? No. I am not. I could be readin' some information of the Internet, or orderin' my stuff online, or readin' blogs, or simply just surfing and not even chatting!

Yes. Sometime people do chat with me but when I'm not in a good mood or damn tired I'll be pretty much low profile then usual 'cause I'll tend to stone and just do my stuff privately. It doesnt mean I do not wanna chat with you people.

SO STOP SAYING THAT I FORGET FRIENDS, OK?! DONT YOU BITCH BOUT ME BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK AND SAY I FIND MY NEW FRIENDS BETTER.

Just because I replied one line at a time or I turn down your offer to meet up, doesnt fuckin' mean I forget you as a friend or I find my new ITE friends better. Come on, I only know 'em for one fuckin' month for fuck's sake. What ? You people think I've no mind of my own and jump to the wagon and forget all my treasured friends? Ah fuck you! Just fuckin' fuck you , ok ? Fuck it. I really hate these people.

It makes me rethink again. If this how you judge me just within this short span of time when we've actually know each other for the longest time, why do you even label yourself as Najihah's friend? I thought you should know me better. And logically, you should understand that I need my fuckin' damn rest and space. Be in my fuckin' damn shoes before you fuckin' bitch bout me with my OTHER friends, ok ?

I know you read my blog, 'cause I INVITED you. Tak faham ah. How can I even forget you when you're one of the people that I invited to read my fuckin' blog. Tak suka tau. I really hate it when people suddenly judge me when I still need to adapt myself in the new environment.

You know what, for some of you who are quick to judge, this might even be your last readin' here. I dont want to tolerate anymore shit holes from judgemental people.

Then and only then you can lable me '' That bitch that forgets friend.''

But you know what ? I dont care. You're quick to judge when you dont even ask bout my well being. So I dont see why I should even bother labellin' you as a friend.

'Cause my friends, they dont judge. Even if they do, we both will talk it out and THEN we'll judge.

... suck it!

N

2009-05-18T20:52:00.003+08:00

You know, this is the second post entitled 'N'. And yes, it's the same person I'm talkin' bout. So, I had my training last night together with my girls and Lydia. It was fun and exhausting. I turely enjoyed myself even though I was practically lost. The atmosphere was pretty boring intially but when it gets heat up, it really heat up.

The place of training is located at Kranji Camp two. So what completes Kranji Camp two ? Yes army men, army trucks, army campsites and army whatever. Im really sensitive whenever I laid my eyes on army stuff. Some should know why.

So when I was at the parade square, I saw barracks. I saw their tracks. I saw them. And every single sight reminds me of N. I tried my very best to get my mind off these shits by enjoying my dance and the girls and Lydia's company. It did succeed for a while. But when I got home and on my bed. Hell, all hell broke loose.

It was driving me crazy! Whenever I saw Army men, I couldnt resist but look at their name tag and their faces. I'll look twice if not thrice! This sucks, really. I thought Im over that period of time when I can really face something that reminds me of the past and I'll say to myself '' Hey, I'm over that.'' But heck, when I looked around that campsite, I kept wondering if he's around. I know he's from different camp but what are the odds, no? I really need to get my head out of these shit.

I'll get there. I hope.

... audacity of hope

Riders

2009-05-14T21:04:00.003+08:00

They speak language that they only know.

So the dad sends me to school regularly. Everytime he did that, there'll always something new for me.

Like the other time, I blast my Mp3 to the maximum so I couldnt really hear the sounds from the surronding. I was tappin' my fingers to the random of Just Dance , just when the dad wanted to switch lane to exit Lornie Road, he hit his brake damn hard that it send me pushing my weight body on his back. And I hit my helmet on to his pretty hard which caused a minor crack! 'Cause dad was speedin, obviously.

I calm myself fast and tilted my head to see the clear view of what I could get from that spilt seconds. Supposedly , dad was about to switch lane when the taxi didnt give way and dad's bike almost collided to the blazing Red R1 bike which was in front of him 'cause the taxi closed the gap of which supposedly allowed my dad to switch lane.

It was sucha a shockin' and scary moment for me 'cause it was my first ever encounter of .. i dont know what to call it , near accident event ?

There are couple other stories up my sleeves but that will just be tacked one side. Whenever mum called to ask if I already reached school , I'll never fail to tell her what happened. Sometimes it could be the dad's fault and sometimes other riders/drivers fault.

The dad, he's nuts. The speed limit is usually 90 km/hr, no ? He ususally minimum speed is 110 km/hr. Sometimes, he would even hit 120km/hr. Like how he did it just now. But we were stucked in a massive traffic due to an accident that occured at the road shoulder exit Eng Neo.

I detest traffic jams. Pantat sakit siak duduk atas motor.
But I like it when all the riders stop for traffic light and how they speed up when the light turns green.

Like I said, they speak language that they only know. It's like as if they're racing amongst themselves. At least that's how mum and I say it whenever we remind the dad about his speed limits. It takes him twenty mintues just to send me to school and bout thirty to thirty five mintues to get himself to his work place which is located at Sengkang.

I get chills and I love the adrenaline rush whenever my dad speeds or make his smoooth cornering.

But what I dont like is, he rides so fast that I always the first to reach. Im always thirty mintues earlier for classes. And what do I do within that time ?

I read. Ya. I fuckin' read. And I have finished my favourite book of the year!!

Thanks to Lydia who got me that book as a birthday present. That will be told the next time.

... ride with wind

Riders

2009-05-14T21:04:00.000+08:00

Rants.

2009-05-11T15:04:00.002+08:00

I'm confused 'cause my pictures are all over the place. Five folders in my computer , six and more in my Thumbdrive and five in my Mp3. I'm really really confused right now. Not only that. I suddenly have the urge to grab four gb storage for my Thumbdrive. By the look of it , I can have one single folder for Lydia and mine pictures. So for the others who I always meet and take pictures with, yes you too have a special folder in my Thumbdrive.

I even have one complete folder just for Anuar Zain. Can you imagine how many tons of picture I have ? Tsk!

And I hate people who skip their lectures or tutorials. I hate it lah damn it. They'll kept askin' people like me ; who attend class regularly , bout what they should do. Bout lesson learn. Bout notes. Bout assignments. It's tiring to repeat it , really. What more if that particular person will kept repeating the same damn question 'cause they still couldnt get it. It's fuckin' tiring and frustrating you know. SO DONT SKIP CLASS YOUR PEEPS! Give it a thought or two for someone like me who HAVE to repeat the same damn thing all over again.

I dont mind if you attend classes and you still dont understand and you ask me for help. I'm willing to do that. But when you're not interested in your studies and you skip classes , dont you dare to come to me and ask for help. I won't tolerate your shit. What more I'm someone who's selfish bout her notes. You want to lean and scan through my notes are a big NO-NO!

And I hate it when someone wants to follow or change their work 'cause some other people are doin' that certain way. Heck. Dont you guys have self confidence ? Believe in your work. Suck it up and just present it the way you feel and thought it's right. Ive faced this lots of time, for God's sake. And it's annoying like fuck. Work that you believe in and that you gave your hundred and ten percent should be believed in, no ? You shouldnt change your work 'cause some ass do it certain way , no ? Even if your work is of a lower quality then theirs, we can always learn and improve on future project work, agree ?

I almost blow my top off when my team had that '' We should follow Angie's group '' or '' Ehk they got roleplay , we don't have. Kita ikut dorg ah.'' So what lah fuck! So bloody what , no ? Right they DO have roleplay and we don't. What ? You want to change it at the last mintue ? And screw the whole thing due to your following habits when in actual fact we're equally of good standard then other group ? The only difference is they have roleplay and we fucking dont ! God, can you guys be more believing already ?

Just suck it up and give your best shot in presentation your hundred and ten percent work! If they're good , kudos to them and promise ourselves we'll be better then those ass.

Believe. Confidence. Learn. And improve.

Please God Please, make them all realise that been a follower aint the key to the best presentation or good quality work done.

I think that's why I hate having group work with certain people. They're not just believing and confidence enough. Not that Im sayin I'm all that mighty , no. We have to believe in our work and always give our best shot no matter what shitty question or task we got ourselves into, no ?

I dont understand people like this. Really.

One fine day, they'll know my stand. And it's not gonna be pretty.

... idiots.

TGIF

2009-05-09T17:28:00.003+08:00

So , I had my TGIF session with Lydia yesterday. And I decided to stay in on both of the weekends this week. Me ? Weekends? Stay in ? Weirdddddd but I have too, or else I'll be lifeless on Monday.

I caught 17 Again ! It's a pretty romantic and a little touch of comedy to it. It was worth it. Totally. Both Lydia and I , couldnt stop gigglin' our asses off and I for one couldnt shut my mouth and kept gagging to Zac. I still couldnt believe I literally went hype when I watched Zac made his way out of his car, placed his books on his car's roof, wore his jacket with much aweness , walked his way to the hall and took out his sunglass. It was simply mind blowing ! And again, I still couldnt believe I admitted that Zac's hot.

Little shoppin' was done after that and we hang out over at Macdonalds. Yesterday session was much more on the relaxation mode. We only got hype up when we waited for our last bus. Where we saw and heard nonsensical stuff. It was funny really. I nearly wet my pants due to the stupid comments we both made. And not to mention I was the loudest in the bus. People turned around and literally stared at both of us.

Logically, who in the right mind will be so hype up after midnight , no ? But hell, we were high.

And to those that watched 17 Again, Stan looks like Alex pleaseeeeeeeeee. I beamed as I was reminded of Alex throughout the whole movie. Teeehee.

I hope you like the gift that I gave you babe. It really reminded me of you. Heh! Your birthday present soon , ya! And more TGIF in the future, ok ? Say fornightly ? Heh heh heh.

I find these small apperciated meet up very much needed. After five long days of studyin' , I'm prone to at least one meet up to relax my mind and really have a heartful laugh. It could be a meet up held near around my area or as far as City Hall ; as long as I can get my mind completely out of school and my laughs, I really couldnt ask for more. I'm a simple person who contents easily. Just small stuff makes me happy. Just like how Dan H. did.

But what I dont like is my plan to be hanged loosely without thorough confirmation. You want to meet me. Miss me. See me. Dinner with me. Or whatever, makes sure you text me properly and just dont let it be a one time semangat thing. Like how Lydia and I usually meet. We both have schools , what more she has her own personal commitments with her Beau. We make sure that we DO meet each other on the promised time and date. We have this habit of sayin , '' Next week amcm ?'' And when I say that, it meant during that week we text each other and plan out our meet up. Even if it's a next two weeks thing we'll make sure we keep each other updated and plan. It may slip off our mind sometimes but when one of us do remember bout it, we'll text each other and ask if the plan's still on or if the other party have already picked the place to go. I dont really like it when people text or say to me they miss me. And when I say "ok , we'll meet next month" , we both totally zone out, if you know what I mean. I dont have a mind of a computer that store lots of data and sometimes I dont remember to write it down on my organiser or sometimes I DO see it in my organiser and totally forget bout it after that. I'm forgetful, really. So you miss me, you fix a date with me. I miss you , I'll fix a date with you.

And if I couldnt make it at the very last mintue ( which is fuckin' rare 'cause I always keep my promise ) , I'm really sorry ; in advance.

So to some, do expect a text from me sometime next week. I cant go on bout how much I miss some of you people. Especially Mr Ralvin Valberg!!

I hope you readers have a great weekend escape and Happy Weekends. ;)

Bear with me

2009-04-30T22:06:00.021+08:00

I'll start this long and much awaited post by the recent happenings. Sheesha pictures with the ITE people will be uploaded asap, I promise. (**Actually this post was on draft for about couple of days, sooo. HEHEHE. I finally finished updatin' it today. So... HEHEH ** )

Here goes somethin' ...

Ryan was admitted in the hospital due to high fever and unexplainable shiverin'. It was really sad for both Lydia and I to walk into the childern's ward. What a sight to see kids been poked in the nose and hands even if they are a few days old! Sad or what! :( But Ryan here, has finally recovered. Alhamdulilah. Hence, after the visit. We girls go crazy. Total crazy. We sat at the memorial and had Starbucks for our usual chit chat and laughin' session. Hell! That night we shared jokes only the world and us know. I really loved my TGIF for that night. What.a.night! More of this soon pls! :D

Baby Ryan.

I don't know what's wrg with him. Everytime I carry him , he'll always land his head like that. This is the taktahuberapakali he did that. Shut up ok if you know why. Part ni Lydia suka ! HAHAHA.

:D

His pipis are sooooooooooooooooooooooo chubby !!! I went home and lepaskan geram on Sabrina's. HAHAH.

I love them girls ( and my bangs ) WOOHOO!

Someone said lawa. Padahal aku berpeluh like sial tunggu makan. THANKS FOR THE AWESOME TREAT MY DEAR GIRL!!! :D Ily more when you treat me. But when you dont treat me , I love you less. HAHAHAHAH. Damn sial aku ni. ( sorry abit hyper thanks to the smoke )

Family chalet spells f.u.n!!! We were crazy and hyper every single day. Even the weather was being a bitch we certainly had fun. The night out with the kakis was peaceful. We watched the sunrise and had Maggi five thirty in the morning. We went all the way to DownTown East just to shit. Mind you, government's chalet is damn fuckin' far from Downtown East. Say twenty mintues walk ? Siao ah. Walked all the way just to shit but ended up the toilet closed due to cleaning. But heck, we loved our time spent. Totally. Next year, cameron or whaat !

When the younger generations played in the air conditioned room, we the older ones, took crazy shots.

One of the successful jump shot we did.

What's the significant meaning behind this picture? Give it a guess.

Starting up BBQ for that night.

We planned on how to BBQ couple of food. In the midst of BBQing , it started to rain. But we continued to BBQ under the rain with payung held by one of the boys.

Heh heh heh. My arms were really numb due to much fanning of the satays. But I love it! The whole lot of cousins. I love you all!
According to heights and age. Yes, the tallest within us is only secondary four and he's 1.8 meter ( If im not mistaken ). Damn bloody tall that cousin of mine.
Our night walk after the BBQ. With the aunties and cousins.

I dont even know why the heck Ubi decided to do the '' jump and sit'' pose. Nevertheless, one of the best shot.

A failed one. HAHAHA.

Told you , the top one was the best shot.

Look at those cheeckkkkkkkkkkkkkkxszx ( the young one ) everytime I see Nabil, I'll pinch his pipi till he begs for mercy. HAHAH. The yellows.
The white ones.

The er... darker color ones.

The sibilings and their sister in law ( obviously my mum ) and their aunty. Wooo. Both generations.

Cousinszxz !

After the BBQ and the night walk. I dont know which part of the activities were damn tiring till he slept like that. Disgustin'!

Oily oily faces!
Our brilliant cousin from CHIJ. ;)

Kecoh-kecoh nak balik. Mak-mak tengah siap barang , ini lah keje dorg. Duduk melepak. Lol.

Even though two thousand and nine has yet to come to an end, what I'm gonna tell you next will be THE highlight of the year. It was my second time witnessin' this very talented recorded and live artist in person. The only difference is that, this time round we got the best view in the ballroom. Every mintue was worth it. I still remember how we both ladies start to giggle and get all excited over in Msn and calls. When we finally got our ass in the ballroom, HELL!! It was damn good. Damn DAMN good.

Bersama Anuar Zain di Grant Hyatt BallRoom Singapura.

The usual pose with the tickets. Heck , I can still feel the excitment! HEHEHE.

Semangat gila pakai tag. Nak feeling-feeling. Hehehe.

Dress : Mine
Make up: Lydia. THANKS LOVE!
Photography: Kat.

Have to give credits to those two, really. I cant repay them in whatever means I can even think of.

The capricorns babies~~

;) ;)

Mawar was the host of the day. I could the EXTRA feelin' that the heel shoe she wore was the one that J wanted from VS. REALLY! Look damn similiar.

All hell broke loose when we girls set our eyes on him. '' ANUARR!!''

Many people couldnt believe that this is NOT photoshopped. But whatever, believe it or not, I got it! I could die right then and there due to maximum level of starstruck. HEHEH. But both Kat and myself, we keep it cool ;)

A huge bouquet of flowers from Fatimah Mohsin. She's damn prettty and stylist! Girl likes it!
He always divide his attention all over the room. He even put down his microphone and walked his way around. Stop in the middle of the ballroom just so that his fans could get his picture live and up front. Some , even hugged him so tightly that he said '' Macam kena rogol.'' I bet all of his fan who attended that event that day , was really satisfied.

Sometime, he even sat on the small steps to catch his breathe due to the fact that he was pretty sick that day. He had fever and a bad cough. But heck, his show was splendid!

Macam raja. I love the chairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~!!

Meltsssssssssssssssssssss.

Those smiles! Those smileS! Really blow my mind away.

Kitty Kat meow with Mr Soulful as she calls him. After the show, it was toilet time! I look so professional, no ? Padahal satu menda haram pun tak tahu pasal Photography.

I love loveloveloveeeeeeeeeeeeeee this shot! :D

Us without candid picture? You must be kiddin' me. HAHAH. WE have to have candid shotsszxz! Walaupun muka memang dah burok.

Then this miang texted me up , askin' where were we and was wonderin' if she could join. Of couse she cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn , macam aja cakap tak leh join. Menyibuk. HEHEH. ( NO ah. I kid! I kid! )
My pretty chubby lydiaaaaaaaaaaaaa ;)

And she suggested we go in some hotel ( was it Scotts ? ) To take some pictures. Ala-ala tourist. :D

Good angle, good photography makes us ladies looked damn glowly in this. HAHA.

;)

Me love you babe!

It seriously looked like somewhere out of Singapore, no ?

After much the two ladies and I , went over to some place to have a chit chat session. We had couple of topic exchanged , laughters in the air and jokes were cracked. I saw couple of eye candies that night. One , even managed to smile to me. HEHEH.

I dont remember anything funny been said here. Hahaha.

Guess what ! En route out of the hotel, I saw Anuar and I said '' Anuar ? '' He turned and he flashed his sweet smile. Even though he was rushing his way out , he agreed to take couple of pictures with us girls.

Lydia who didnt attend the event even had the chance to catch this rare moment on camera! Belakang Anuar kesukaan siak dekni! She even had her fits up in the air! hahahaha.
Teeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeee :DDD!!!

Ended up , we sat and catch our breathe outside Takashimaya, this is where all hell broke lose. Mind you, Kat's camera were set to self timer and we kept posin' for it. Everyone there had their stares on us but we dont give a damn. We thoroughly enjoyed our times spent during that short period of posing. Few are shown here while the rest have been uploaded by Kat. There're more , actually. But this will do. Heh.

Very rare side of me, no ? Heheh. I really love this dressssss!
I love them ladies.

All smiles despite the tired we all felt. Heh. '' Ehk cepat! Buat muka gangster.''

Kat tetap tak menjadi. Dah sah born good girl. HAHA.

On our way home in Takashimaya.
Two Chubby high cheeckbones ladies :D

Our way home. ;)

Happy not you people? Always scream for an update. HAHAH. Now I cant wait for my TGIF with Lydia. Do you want to join us Kat ? Cancel your tuition for once , for us girls ah , ok ? Hehehhe.

My life couldnt be better, Alhamdulilah. Just that I'm dead tired by the time I reach hom from school. Now , I really do wish I could stay still at home on both weekends. Yes , now I even go out on Sundays. I DONT GO OUT ON SUNDAYS BEFORE!! Sundays are for resting at home. But heck, I dont even know why I go out. Tsk tsk tsk. Shit , ok this Sunday WILL be spent at home watchin' my recorded shows back to back.

My playlist's filled with my shows. From Friends season three ten episode of them , Eli Stone, Ghost Whisperer , Just My Luck, How I met your Mother , Kath and Kim , Rita Rocks and aloooooot alooooooOOot more. Ah heck, I want my TV life back. Please! I just want that back. I miss my Tv shows. :(((((((.

School has been great. It may be tiring and the lesson may be a drag but heck, those kakis are awesome bunch of company. We had our first mini gatherin' of Sheesha last Saturday. Which all of us got extremely high. The guys were abit loud and hype up then us girls. 'Cause they were wonderin' if they should order shots or who had the most smoke blown out of them or who burst the twenty one game or who had to do dance with whom. It was sucha a crazy night. We spent three solid hours indoors with Sheesha and couple of twenty one till we had to be chased out by the waiter. More of that , in another post.

So have a great weekdays you people !
Like how Wei Jet said it '' I'll see you tommorrow my dear.''
To which I reply , '' Yes honey. See you!''

'' You're mine tommorrow''
'' Today is her.''
''NO! I want to be me everyday!''
'' Cannot lah. I got lot of girls to see.''
'' WHAT ? BReak ah break."
'' Alah alah sayang. Okok tommorrow! I promise.'' HAHAHAHAH Assbloodyhole.

... post it!

Pictures.

2009-04-27T22:21:00.002+08:00

Hold on. I've TONS of pictures to be uploaded. And pretty much the same amount of information to share. If you're interested on what I've been up to, do click religiously to Kat's , Lydia's and Bie's blog. My life revovles around them now. I'll do my share of sharin' and updatin' as well, needless to say. It'll be unfair for them if I dont share/update the dates I had with them over the past few weeks/days/months. But for those who are the ones that can't wait for the update or senang cakap , kpo gila nak mampos ( HAHAHA ) can click to their links regularly. :)

I promise by next week Monday. I'll be done with all the picturessszxzx ! Pray for me.

Now, I shall take my break from my never endin' accounts work. Fyi, I'm really glad I'm in ITE. 'Cause like I said, I don't know a fuck bout PAC ( accountatin' ) and if I were to be thrown in Polytechnic doin' the exact same module , I forsee myself drownin'. Now ? I'm floatin' in the water absorbing important facts. Thanks to Mr F , I'm getting the hang of it. In fact , I'm beginning to teach couple of my friends. Wah lau, side trackin' siak.

SO HOLD ONNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Just when I thought I'm savin' up some peeps booked me as early as last week for this Saturday's event and I'm also down for a Saturday two weeks from now. And not forgettin' this Friday I've some thingy to attend!! And at the end of next month , I'm booked too!Shiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttt. I really need to sort my life out asap before everyone will be rejected like how I reject couple of people last Saturday.

Nadiah and Tiana, sorry I couldnt make it on last Saturday. Soon ok ? Soon.

:( Suddenly, I don't want to spend my day out on weekends. But what the heck, no ? TGIF supposed to be spent outside , kan Lydia kan ?

'' Geng syafiq'' Sorry B! HAHAHAHAH.
'' Asslamualaikum ustazah!''
'' Kau jangan! Muka pucat tu. Dia kejah kang. Mati!''
'' Dah tak lama dah tu! Dah puas.''
''Tak ada lane lah babe. Macam mana nak jalan ? Aku dari tadi cari lane.''
''Bawa aku rosak.'' HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAH!

... happy soul!

Question.

2009-04-21T21:43:00.003+08:00

I asked Hyun mintues ago this question , '' Should I open my blog up again ? ''.

'Cause now, ITE friends of mine , are all barkin' at me to open up my blog again. The thing is, I do want to do that. But on the other hand, I just cant bare to let my personal and private stuff to be known to some people. Example aDeQ.

Majority of you know what had happened between us two. Besties turned strangers and so on and forth. It's weird intially but I simply don't give a damn anymore. There are happenings that happened that I think should be kept low at the moment now. What I told some of you are actually half of the real story. While J and few others knew exactly what happened.

It's not that I want to private it and go against my principles. No. It's just that I hate to be known to some people. I've been bloggin' half of my teen life and so have some of you people, no ? What we tend to write may not appeared the way it is to others. I dont blog bout my daily routine. What I do every single day. What I do the next mintue after I had lunch with my friends. I dont do details. I do brief. Sometimes it's too brief when I walk down the memory lane, I totally forget what the fuck was I thinkin' at the point of time.

I hate being copied all over. How aDeQ will follow how I blog. How she'll say she loves soccer and she watches every match which she didnt do before but after she read my entry bout Clash at the Quay she actually blogged that she loves Manu. How she'll follow the conversation I had with my parents. How she'll blog smiliar to me. To even dresses that I wear, she'll keep track. I hate it these people ya know. Heck, not only her. But some others as well. How they'll bitch bout what I do or what I say just simply through readin' my blog. Every little thing.

I didnt invite any of my cousins to my blog fyi. 'Cause why ? I know they'll talk. This is a place for me to let it all down. My rants, thoughts, frustration , worries, questions , simply everything and anything. I feel free when I private my blog. I feel atmost superior of my life, really. I can finally blog bout anything and everything. Call me coward or chicken if you want to, really. I dont care. I can now be true to myself. I forsee more deep entries in the near future. Entries that I dare not post it up for the public to read for the fear of retaliation from them.

I private my blog so that I'll be able to say what I've in mind with absolute truth. I had enough of people tryin' to backfire and judge my thoughts in a way they thought that I should be judged. I had enough of being labeled such names and the likes. I had enough of standin' my stand for this moment. I had enough of toleratin' people lookin' down at my personal imperfection. Hence, I'll keep this blog low and put up a facade to the people I dont really fancy.

School has been weird , for me. I got excited at F1 conjection with ITE just now. When none couldnt be bothered. I was the only one whose heart jumped at the sight of this good lookin' angmoh teacher. Whenever those girls in my class talked bout their Malayu ex(es) and commented on how cute some seniors are, all I could reply was , '' ok je. '' or '' Cute ? I've seen better ones.'' or '' Siak ah cute. '' I honestly feel out of place. Totally out of place.

All I could think of, clear my modules and get out asap. The friends are awesome. Jokers in our group and so on. I couldnt ask for more awesome shit friends but like how Kat once said, in friendship , it's much more then just laughter.

Hyun said, be myself be reserved but not that reserved. I guess that's true. I may gain few good trustworthy friends but they could never replace who I've now. Ones that can really accept me and my preferances. aDeQ and those uninvited readers couldnt accept that I like angmohs, actually. She will always went , malayu oso hot what. Malayu oso rich what. Malayu oso this and that. She and her malayus. I shant comment on that, really.

I honestly dont see the flow of this entry. HAHAHA. But what the heck.

Sometimes I tend to ask myself , what if things dont work out the way I want it to be ? That , people , will be another entry altogether.

... I only like one man. And only one.

School

2009-04-17T22:14:00.005+08:00

I miss lots of people, really. First one the list will be Mr Dear Ralvin Valberg. I texted him this mornin' ( due to Hyun's question ) and he didnt reply. Which is weird, really. 'Cause Ralvin will be the person that you can count on in replyin' or callin' you back within the next few hours. I reckon he's damn busy with orientation ( or maybe with Nicki ) that doesnt allow him to reply my text. Aiya, I miss that good 'ol boy! :(

School has been tirin' and eatin' the light in my soul slowly. I'm so drain out right now , I'm actually typin' these shits with half eyes closed. Nevertheless, it has been enjoyable so far, with few hot topics ( already!! ) on the lose , sarcasm been exchanged and whatsoever , it has been enjoyable. Yes, it has. Despite the sudden attack of PAC aka POA. Imagine yourself in my shoes, three long years with Design and Technology and suddenly been attacked by accountancy. It's not funny at all. I had to ask Jo and ( shit I forget this clever girl's name ) for help several times! How humilitating ah, really.

I have to adapt as soon as my nature can. If not, I forsee myself screamin' for Jo's help. But I know ( and hope, of course ) that with my bundle of notes armed with me, I'll be able to smooth sail this semester. Insyah Allah, Amin.

Anyhos! I've got my award. It was bored intially 'cause I came extremely early. When it was our turn , we were all smiles and giggling at the side of the stage. We had to run to our position 'cause we were so hype up at the back of the stage that we didnt our names been called by Ong. When I walked up that stage, God, I felt extremely good. You know, how it's feel like to be known to the entire school body that you actually worked your ass off for that subject and there you are, bowing and smilin' , with certificate and award in your hand. God, I felt absolutely good. But on the other hand, I felt uncomfortable. 'Cause from Secondary Five , I'm the only person that was dressed as an ITE student. Others were from MI and JC while other two are from NP and SP respectively. No doubt I felt abit intimated but what the hell who gives the fuck bout what others think, no ? I may be the only ITE student ( from Secondary Five ) who got an award but that doesnt entitle anyone to judge me, no ? 'Cause when former teachers and students knew why I was dressed in ITE uniform , their expression changed. Ah, I don't care. Neither should you, really.

What pisses me off on my current school and the former techers and friends , is that their respone to my L1R4. I could really predict what the fourth person's respon will be when I told them my R4. How they'll be shocked with their mouth wide open and sayin' it was a waste for me to study in ITE when I can totally land in Polytechnic. How they'll psychoed me to that I should have appealed for the course. How they'll say what a waste that was. Yes that kept sayin' what a fuckin' waste my decision was.

Ah fuck you people. It's my fuckin' choice. Stop being all edgy and starts to say how someone who has higher R4 then I do could land in RP or even in NP. Stop being all stupid by tryin' to be so bimbotic and plan my life that split seconds. Ah just fuckin' stop it bitches, really.

It really pisses me off. Dont ask my R4 people. Don't if you wanna tell straight in my face how fuckin' wasted I've been to land my ass in ITE. Just don't you think bout it. Shut your fuckin' trap and eat your balls lah damn it! Every person I met will always ALWAYS say that. Even the BL ( bridge leaders ) they had the same reaction to others who are quick to judge and say it was a fuckin' waste AFTER I told them quickly that ITE was my choice. ( I was tryin' to imply that it wasnt theirs to even begin with)

Even my R5 wasnt that bad. Ah fuck , just dont ask me. ASK if you know you wont say it was a waste or whatsoever along that line. I'll fuckin' slap that next person who said it ( cibai aku mcm faham. HAHAH ) Ok may be not slap but I'll just roll my eyes and shut up before I throw my bitch fit.

RIGHT , SO!! Kat has updated our day with Shahrul Anuar. Who ever dont believe me please refer to Kat's blog under my link. You people also another one, you think I'm that brilliant to actually photoshopped perfectly the pictures?!! I dont have photoshop or whatevershopshitfucks in my computer lah damn it! Just so you know, I extremely hate people who edit their pictures to make themselves prettier ( padahal burok macam sial ) or clear their pimples ( padahal dah sah ada scars and marks ) all my pictures taken are ORIGINAL and unedited. ( Except for some where by the pictures are too dark that I had to brigthen up the pictures , or the pictures were too bright that I had to contrast it or whatever. This effect I use some Windows live edit shitwhatever!) Why would I ever need to edit the pictures when I was actually posing for a candid post ? Ok ya'll know me , I dont take proper picture that often. And I dont have photoshop skills!! And for some, I'm someone who's popular in likin' everythin' in her life to be orginial and not fake nor edited. If someone were to edit my pictures with my permisson or someone that I'm really closed with , I'll say up to you. Why would I restrain someone from doin' what they like , no ? Ahhhh, you guys are so hard to believe me. Why would I lie, really ? What fuck do I get man ? Money ? Respect ? No right ? Then ? Believe me lahhhhhh !

It was fuckin' irritatin' when I put up my picture and him on my display picture when people started to accuse me and ended up not believin' that it was ORIGINIAL picture!! Gasak kau orang lah ehk. After this, I won't be bothered to explain lah hor. Correct or not Kat ? They question your good quality of camera and your tip top skill in photography leh.

And Kat! Thanks for askin' me along! It was sucha great affair! Front seats row and the likes. Thank youuuuuuuu! And thank you for takin' Lydia's picture and mine for that night. We girls love it. Moreeeeeeeee !

Fyi , Kat owns a photography company for Weddings and Events. So when I say that picture was took by my friend who has photography skills, believe me 'cause indirectly you're doubtin' someone who has made thousands of hundreds dollar in that line. Trust me , I dont lie.

... more soon!

Believe me

2009-04-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

Believe me when I say , I've already have pictures to be uploaded here for memory sake and for story tellin' sake. But I'm just too tired to do that.

Believe me when I say, school was a-Okay for me. I'm still awaiting for more of exciting happenings ! And it's not funny when I've to report to school by 0745 in the mornin' for the second day of orientation.

Believe me when I say, I saw couple of familiar faces and I ended up shaking hands and talkin' random stuff with them and even laughin' out loud , just when they're actually acquantaineces.

Believe me when I say , my Mondays are dedicated to two hours school. Which is totally annoying for me 'cause I've to travel for an hour or so just to get to the school. ( This does not include me walkin' to school and to the classroom. ) Can someone please introudce me any guys who are driving and is free eveyday , so that they'll be able to send me to school. HAHHAHAHAHA. Sial.

Believe me when I say, the first time I read my timetable the word that came out from my mouth is '' Kurang Ajar sial!'' And the next guy to me , Mus, asked me a very stupid random question '' Nak gi swimming tak every Mondays ? '' What.the.fuck? We just knew each other and he already asked me to swim ? I replied, '' Why not! I've plans to swim laps too.'' How very ironic of me to respond in that way, no ?

So hang on fellow loyalties! For me will be back asap.

The Conversation of the day.

'' Nama apa ?''
''Najihah.''
'' Panjang ah! Panggil Jihah aje lah , ok ? You call me Mus or Mussey for short.''
Heart beat stopped for zillion mintues , '' er.. ok.'' She replied half whispering.

Slide his phone up , '' Have I got your number already ?''
She shook her head , '' Nope.''
'' Can I have it ?'' He requested.
'' Yes sure.''
She keyed in.
'' Nama apa nak your number to be under ?''
'' Suka hati. Najihah ke. Naj ke. Siti ke. Apa-apa lah.''
'' I saved as Jihah ok ?''
'' Is this ok ?'' He saved under '' Jihah''
She nodded. And without no one knowing' her heart dropped ten miles deep in the water and her mood was half gone.

Why suddenly everything falls back down to that stupid memory lane ?

.. ah fuck!

Happy Final Holidays.

2009-04-09T02:06:00.003+08:00

As some of you might know, I'll be away for three days.

Family Chalet; Today till Saturday.
Netball Practice/Meet up with bie; Sunday.
School finally starts; Monday.

My upcoming weeks will be pack , needless for me to say. Hopefully I'll be able to meet J. ( Oh God, please let it happen! ) And squeeze Ralvin's time so that I'll finallly able to chit chat with that nonsense boy.

So people who will be startin' your school soon, happy final holidays!

Proper one soon before I start school! ( Hopefully lah hor! )

... livin' under your spotlight