Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Question.
I asked Hyun mintues ago this question , '' Should I open my blog up again ? ''.'Cause now, ITE friends of mine , are all barkin' at me to open up my blog again. The thing is, I do want to do that. But on the other hand, I just cant bare to let my personal and private stuff to be known to some people. Example aDeQ.
Majority of you know what had happened between us two. Besties turned strangers and so on and forth. It's weird intially but I simply don't give a damn anymore. There are happenings that happened that I think should be kept low at the moment now. What I told some of you are actually half of the real story. While J and few others knew exactly what happened.
It's not that I want to private it and go against my principles. No. It's just that I hate to be known to some people. I've been bloggin' half of my teen life and so have some of you people, no ? What we tend to write may not appeared the way it is to others. I dont blog bout my daily routine. What I do every single day. What I do the next mintue after I had lunch with my friends. I dont do details. I do brief. Sometimes it's too brief when I walk down the memory lane, I totally forget what the fuck was I thinkin' at the point of time.
I hate being copied all over. How aDeQ will follow how I blog. How she'll say she loves soccer and she watches every match which she didnt do before but after she read my entry bout Clash at the Quay she actually blogged that she loves Manu. How she'll follow the conversation I had with my parents. How she'll blog smiliar to me. To even dresses that I wear, she'll keep track. I hate it these people ya know. Heck, not only her. But some others as well. How they'll bitch bout what I do or what I say just simply through readin' my blog. Every little thing.
I didnt invite any of my cousins to my blog fyi. 'Cause why ? I know they'll talk. This is a place for me to let it all down. My rants, thoughts, frustration , worries, questions , simply everything and anything. I feel free when I private my blog. I feel atmost superior of my life, really. I can finally blog bout anything and everything. Call me coward or chicken if you want to, really. I dont care. I can now be true to myself. I forsee more deep entries in the near future. Entries that I dare not post it up for the public to read for the fear of retaliation from them.
I private my blog so that I'll be able to say what I've in mind with absolute truth. I had enough of people tryin' to backfire and judge my thoughts in a way they thought that I should be judged. I had enough of being labeled such names and the likes. I had enough of standin' my stand for this moment. I had enough of toleratin' people lookin' down at my personal imperfection. Hence, I'll keep this blog low and put up a facade to the people I dont really fancy.
School has been weird , for me. I got excited at F1 conjection with ITE just now. When none couldnt be bothered. I was the only one whose heart jumped at the sight of this good lookin' angmoh teacher. Whenever those girls in my class talked bout their Malayu ex(es) and commented on how cute some seniors are, all I could reply was , '' ok je. '' or '' Cute ? I've seen better ones.'' or '' Siak ah cute. '' I honestly feel out of place. Totally out of place.
All I could think of, clear my modules and get out asap. The friends are awesome. Jokers in our group and so on. I couldnt ask for more awesome shit friends but like how Kat once said, in friendship , it's much more then just laughter.
Hyun said, be myself be reserved but not that reserved. I guess that's true. I may gain few good trustworthy friends but they could never replace who I've now. Ones that can really accept me and my preferances. aDeQ and those uninvited readers couldnt accept that I like angmohs, actually. She will always went , malayu oso hot what. Malayu oso rich what. Malayu oso this and that. She and her malayus. I shant comment on that, really.
I honestly dont see the flow of this entry. HAHAHA. But what the heck.
Sometimes I tend to ask myself , what if things dont work out the way I want it to be ? That , people , will be another entry altogether.
... I only like one man. And only one.
