Monday, August 13, 2007
What is happenin' to the god damned world ? Why doesn't people understand each other's needs ? Why on the damned world does humans has to pretend everything is just fine even if they knew it was all not right ? Ignorance is bliss , yes ? I doubt so.I wonder, how could someone sits still and ignore problems that they faced ?
I wonder, how could someone you called, a fren , ignore the existin' problem and once said that she will take good care of it , when at the end of the day , she just simply ... ignore ?
I wonder , how could someone really live their lives everyday with buckets and buckets of lies everyday ?
I wonder, how could anyone or someone could just simply ignore the fact that THEY ARE ACTUALLY THE DAMNED PROBLEM ?
Damned these people man. Yea, damned you Akinso. You knew what Ian and Tracy said were directly from me. You called the duo up to find out what happened , and you said , you will take care of it. Now what pal ? Yes, I admit I gave you one heck of a cold shoulder, but don't you get the slightest fact that I wanted very much of you to come over and settle these sickenin' problem ? Cause as far as I can see it, it was YOU who lied your life. You LIED to me for god's sake. HECK! Not to only me, but to 'em. YES ! 'em - Ralvin, Ian and Shakinah. It is as though I am blamin' everythang to you huh ? I guess so too.
Do you actually see the fact that I have ever lied to you ? No, NONE , NIL , ZERO , NOTHIN'. What do you get by liein' anyway ? FAME ? GALMOUR ? NAME ? HIGH PROFIL STATUS ? You said that Rot gave you money every month when you both were together, you both duo used to go shoppin' with hundreds and hundreds of money in your pockets. When we wanted to much to meet up with your love, you decline, sayin' that you afraid that he would be attracted to us or vice verse. What an explantion huh ? Heck ! I even doubt that Rot even exits for God's sake ! Not only I doubt it, everyone else does. So much so of you boastin' around. Humans, huh! MALAY somemore you know, what do you expect ? Thank god I did not born a Malay. Pheww.
I do sound cruel and injustice huh ? Yes, I know, I know. I should not put down to that kinda way. I guess , anger and frustrations took control on my evey muscle. I bet you remembered the very first time we had an argument in the classroom when I cried my heart out. I cried due to the fact that I was very much hurt to be played fooly by my very own fren. You treated me as though I am some kind of moronic idiot that does not have a brain. You thought that I would be dead stupid of not to notice the lied that you lie. I may look stupid, but I am not. I may not get higher grades nor do I have hundreds of moneys nor do I have an ATM card like you do , but I am NOT stupid. No one is. The least someone could go is to be spastically sick in the mind. And the last time the Nurse check, I am a prefect teenage lady who has her god damned own brain. Even the spastically sick in the mind kidos does NOT born stupid, they would cry if they are sad, they would be smillin' if they are happy. Thus, no one was born stupid for god's sake.
As much I wanna be all sorries for whatever words that I said here, I just could not find myself to pick up the damned fone and said sorry. Sorry seems to be the hardest word, yes I do agree with you Blue. I even found myself , askin' to my innerself, should I be the one makin' the first move ? Should I be the one sayin' sorry for the hurtful words that I said ? Should I be the one seekin' for you trust again ? Should I be the one savin' this frenship that started four years ago ? You see, I am a fickled minded of my own. I just do not know if I just to ignore or confront. May be because I care sooo much for this frenship. May be I love you people so much to let just it all go. Four years of my life was a great one, and I do not wanna some blacksheep lier to bring it all down.
Yes, trust can be regain. It takes years to trust yet again. Even if you are apologietic about everythang , could I ever trust you again ? Cause, it is less then two years till we seperate. And I, for been a spetical caution person, it take years and years for me to trust again. So you see, is ignorance is bliss ? I doubt so, cause when you ignore you will not know where to go however, it somehow or rather put your life at ease due to the fact that you have less fren to enjoy with. But heck, I am not that kinda humans. I made time for all my frens.
Heck, I begin to think why did you even lied to me ? Did you even care bout our feelin's ? Did you even treat ME as a fren to begin with ? Cause as I can feel it, I do not feel like one.I am not makin' a mole into a hill ya know, cause from you Akinso, I could learn lots of thangs. Trust, honesty and sincerety. From you Akinso, I could then really see the inside of human's words. Cause through you, I learn how to tackle a human who lived their life away with lies, cause through you, I investigate a true crime scene - Findin's for Truth
...it has been hell but it is a learnin' journey for me
P.S: And if by any chance that any of you fella thinks that I am a coward for postin' all this up via blogspot, think again. I am usin' my own identity and I am usin' Akinson's name. I shall say this again, This is my blog, my style, my life, if your silver spoon does not go well with my golden words, get the hell outta here humans. Not enough ?
