Friday, July 6, 2007
Tutorin' was kinda noisy today. My adorable kids could not settle down. They kept on askin' if I could teach 'em Maths, Malayu, English. Some even asked me if I could do Arts and Crafts ! Heheh. Aslam was kinda on my neck just now. He kept on askin' Math's Answer, even though he jolly well know how to do it. I kept on sayin' it was all wrong and made him explain to me how he arrived to the answer. He would then recalculate and demands that it was all correctly done. See ! He does know how to do, cuma malas nak mampos je. Hehe.In the midst of talkin' to my babes, he called. I was taken aback. I looked at my mobile with my jaw dropped. We talked, and agreed to meet up. I could feel that this time round, it would be much more to a talkin' and sortin' out session. My Darul Ma'wa babes demand that I return back every Friday. Today session with 'em were short. I did not entirely talked to 'em as my mind was taken away.
En route to Bugis, I met Fyda hOney and her love. I miss her. I really do honey. It has been over a year since I last kissed her cheecks. This time round, she lost couple of weight. Her love to was a petite size. Just nice for a pretty small her. Honey was en route to school when her love was late due to sum cock up stuff. Honey dropped her love's Psp, due to his everlastin' problem with the lense, I called him up. His fren own a Psp shop, I think? Or sumthang along that line. And we were all seperated when Bugis came right to me. Awwwwwwww. Honey I misses you sooo soo much. Catch up with you real sooon hon !
I headed down to National Library to return and scan some boooks. I was on the fone with Larlin, we exchanged talks , stories, even though we meet everyday in school. Oh girls, what do you expect ? Teeheee. I was talkin' to Larlin when this Malayu(?) long hair guy looked up from his books and gave me that cold hard stare. I was soo shocked lah kan. Nak gaduh dengan aku ke ? I quicken my steps, when I realize he was actually smilin' at me. May be I was talkin' to Larlin loudly.
My heart was beatin' so loudly in my cage. I asked Larlin to wish me luck, and she did. Thanks. I need all the luck in the world. All sort of bad stuff came runnin' into my head. What if he bad mood, and spout anger on me ? What if we fought again ? What if I cried badly when I saw him ? How would he react ? How would II react ? All sort of stupid lame question clashes my head. However, when I set my eyes on him, it just.. Fade. One thang that I would always rememeber was, not to break down. Never. I almost did though. Havin' a long frinch really do help sumtimes.
We talked thangs out. Majority of the time, I held everythang in. I know myself better. If I would to tell him what's my heart content, I would break down. I did talked thanngs out, and I did said what I wanted to say. However, everythang comes out to half of hundred percent. There were times when we kept our distance. If people would not know us, they would thought we were a complete stranger. I would kept lookin' away and tryin' to held the tears back, while he will always busy with his Psp and his.. mobile.
He made an effort to talk everythang out. He kept on pesterin' me if there's anythang that he did wrong this time round. I believed you should know that yourself. Yea, I get jeles. Easily I must say. I know I should not be feelin' all the shit. I feel stupid at the same time. However, look at how we react when we see each other. It's either you held my hands or I cling my hands onto yours, or sumtime, it could be the both of us. I wanna go away but at the same time, I wanna be there. I wanna smile together with you, but at the same time, I wanna be all quiet and maintain that security I planted for myself. I am all confused gal, who does not know where to go.
When I thought that I have made the right move, when I thought I am givin' it all up. I found myself, right next to you, laughin'. Laughin' to your lame jokes, laughin' to your apek-like accent I sumtime wonder, is this what you want me to be ? All happy, smiles and laughter. Or is it this is just how you treat frens ? Or is this how you get close to a gal, made her feel all special, but the fact is, she is not the ONLY one ?
Simply put, I do not know, are you for real or fakin' it all up ? Cause if you really are fakin' it all up, please stop. I really wish you would not go around and breakin' young gals heart. And if you are for real, .. then I guess , only time will time. I know, I bore all of you with my non stop rantin' and what's not. I know, I said I would give it all up, but here I am , penin' every word in my heart. I know, I am one heck of a damned fickle minded lady. I just do not know. I really don't.
Kat , aDeQ I really need sum guys to get him off my agenda. Hahahhahakz.
On the other note, I have an awesome weekend comin' up. Nope, not spendin' it with him. He too busy with his business like stuff. He has been callin' his frens all night, plannin' and discussin' bout shows and stuff. * Now, why am I tellin' ya'll this ? *
Back on track, I am spendin' my weekend with my precious frens. I have been waitin' to gather 'em back. Oh boy, I am soooooo lookin' forward. Sunday will be spend again, in Darul Ma'wa, this time. My netball trainin' resume.
aDeQ, Kat, Chombie, NaD, Feer, Larlin, Ain, Tracy, Ian, Akinso, Ralvin has always been there for me when I needed 'em. They may or may not know him. They may or may not have seen him. However, they could really understand our situation. They have been readin' my blog and askin' how I am been doin' over in Msn. They never fail to cheer me on. Be it leavin' him or holdin' on. Different people are made out of different views. I, for that matter, respect each and every one of 'em. I appreciate and thankful that I do have frens that still care. I have always thought that frenship are better off worth it then relationship. Why? It all comes down to, frens accept us for who we are. They changes us for the better. They stand by our side, despite the rain and shine.
Despite of heartbreaks, frustration moments, Pms- I for that matter, angry moments, disturbin' moments, or any sort of matter that I faced. It was that bunch of humans that I reach out to. I dare to say, they are always there. Always. Call me not independable. Call me no life. Call me no stand. Call me whatever you want. As the reason are off my own. I stand my ground, but those bunch of people made me a stronger person. The world does not revolve around you only. It contains all of us. Believe it or not, we need each other's back in this life.
What am I now without aDeQ ? A babe who has taught me not to be ego.
What am I now without Kat ? A woman who has taught me the expertise and experineces in both marriage and family life.
What am I without baybeeeee, bebeh and Eedah ? My dear babes that thought me the sweetnees and the sourness of frenship.
What am I without abg ? The guy who has been my mentor and my sire in every aspect. He too as taught me the meanin' of relax , be cool and patient.
What am I now without Feer ? A guy who has pick me up when I fall, who has been there through my night during those heartbreakin' moments .
What am I without my kakis - Ralvin, Larlin, Akinso, Ian and Tracy ? A bunch of people who taught me what is life, what is laughter. They too have taught me the real frenship.
What am I without Nad, Chombie Ain ? They have always been givin' me hopes and words of encouragment. They never fail to lend a shoulder to cry on. They never fail to hear my heart out.
Oh booooooooy, the list goes on and on and on. People, this is what I mean. Frenship are better worth it then relationship. Fren accept who we are, while exs/heartbreakers/jerks/bastard, used to be in our life as they do not accept us for who we are.
.. or should I say, that's why there's such a thang called True Love.
