Monday, July 9, 2007
I am not good with words, but I shall try to say what I would want to express. It may sound absurd, it may sound cliche. Some how or rather, I have to let it all out. Let me lamentin', if you hate it much,just leave.I abhor everythang that happened. I abhor everythang that I am feelin'. I abhor the fact that I am easily smiled when flashback occur. I abhor the fact that I am easily tear when I remember those conversation. I need vacationers pls. I really do. I am falterin' everytime. I am just like a phantom that lost in her own hallucination. I would love to solitary. I really need that too. I need all the space and time in the world. I know I have to surmounted all this. I know I could do it. I just need time.
I am sure will be missin' him. Without the jokes over in Msn, without the laughter made, I felt in total lost. Completely. Just what is it that you gain from hurtin' and foolin' me ? Just what is it that you want from me ? Why are you doin' this ? How could you react in such a way that I found it hard to believe ? Why did you held my hands, and bring my head to your shoulders when you knew all along that it would end this way ? Why and what did you gain from all of this young man ?
How you reacted did not show on how you actually feel, right ? You take me for some damned toy that you can fooled around with. You got my boy. Yes you did. Could I just label you like how I label all those fuckers who go around breakin' gal's heart like no body bisness ? Prove me wrong. I am not gonna curse nor show my anger. I will jolly well keep it low, cause I know, it is not worth it.
All along you wanna get to know Cinderella, you asked for her picture, you asked her out. You like her. I believe that you still do. I have no rights to stop you from doin' what you are doin', but pls, could you please stop all those actions that you have been showin' to me ? Never did I once showed my attitude to Cinderella or Eedah when they took a picture so close with you. Have I curse you when you go around takin' picture with 'em ? Do not say I do, cause I don't. I was angry at the brim last night when you said I showed attitude to any of the gals that you took pictures with. Meh sini bilang sapa yang buat cerita. Do not say thangs that I do not do. I really abhor it. I would go to the extend to settle all scores. I may get jealous , I may envy , but I know how to show my attitude , or for this matter, I know how to control it.
It is easier said then done honey of mine. I have now believed, it is not the duration that matters, it is the quality time spent together that matters. I should not have went out with you durin' the holidays. I should have turned down every single offer. However, I did. Those memories are not doin' any mercy nor justice to me. I shall not regret, I shall not waste my time ponderin' on it, I shall treasure it. Tracy, I know I could surmounted this. And THANK YOU Tracy, really. Thank you for been there for me. Thank you for makin' every effort to meet me up even if it just for a short while. I have to move on. I know, I must and I should. Do not worry.
I may cried, I may be down , I may be quiet, however, I am recoverin' slowly. I will take mild steps to be there again. I will be the right me. I will be the carefree and problem-less one. I will be the hyperactive lady. I will not be cryin' when you see me soon Tracy... hopefully.
Those days, those moments. Clake quay, Esplanade, my void deck, Suntec Cinemas,PlazaSingapura cinema, Long Johns, Eunos, bus rides, Psp, Orchard, Bugis, Mrts, Songs, Trance, your dance moves, B- Such memories, such such sweet memories. And it will not be left behind. I shall treasure it, I shall tuck it in a small piece of my memory, and I would be smilin' when I looked back. Like I said, I may be cryin', but I glad that it is all... over.
I am glad , as , I am much afraid if we were to be in a serius relationship. I dare not imagine what hurt may come. No, I do not dare imagine.
You were once part of my life. A short period that is. Tak pernah menyesal.
May be Allah wants me to know, not to rush into thangs, and not to be egoistic.
It hurts like no body bisness. It bite me hard in the heart when you said you understood and nvm. It takes a second for you to conclude. It was soo easy for you to give me the notice that you want us to stop. Yea, I may sound as though I want to retreat. I want too. However, could I said that, there's a part of me that was hopin' for you to prove me wrong, and prove my frens wrong, but who you really are. Prove me wrong that you actually.. care, but all I get was dauntin'. As clear as it may seems, I am clingin' on tooooo much. Wayy tooooooo much.
Oh, I remembered now. I am not the only one, right ? So , I believe , you have choose your choice.
I shall be okies, I shall be alrite. I shall be facin' the world with my head held high. Insyah allah.
It may or may not be my mistake , I am leavin' , with an appology attached to it. I am sorry for all the doin' that I have done.
... tracy , let me cry in my sleep for the last time, pls
... ralvin , you caught my eyes red again, like this mornin', tell me it's okies to cry , pls
... ian, when my head hangin' low, held my shoulders, pls
... larlin' , if you see my cheecks are wet, wipe it away and hug me , pls
... akinso , shared all your jokes so that I would laugh again, pls
... honey of mine , be there for me , pls
Ps: I shall be away for a while people. May be days/weeks/months. Not sure, and don't know. aDeQ , do contact me via mobile regardin' 21st July. Do contact me via Mobile if there's anythang. Feer, Kat, Chombie, Tracy, Ralvin, Ian , Akinso, Larlin, Ain, Faizul * not in any order* thank you so much for givin' me all the support. You people have been of a great help. Thank youuuuuuuuu. It is time for me to return that favour, and I shall
