Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I choose not to blog bout my fun time yesterday, as my butt, my arms and my legs are killin' the hell outta me. I swear it did. I could feel it again in the mornin'. Hell, sleep is not the best medication after all huh ?I was two hours and a half late for yesterday meet up. My kakis expected it, of course. Heh. The planned was, 8 am Akinso's place. However, I got to wake up late and met 'em 10:30 at Tennis court. Hell, was I damned late or what ? Old habits, tsk, it's hard to get it off the hand.
The games/quarters was awesome. We played our asses off till 7 in the evening. Hell, were we really workin' it out or what ? Tracy was there too. She helped me, ALOT. Gave me tons of tips, lesson, ways. Boy, I got the hang off it pretty much later. I was beamin' with sillyness. I kept on runnin' here and there. And I must say, I never felt this tired since last two years, which was of course, after I quit netball.
All of those netball trainin', runnin', jumpin', passin', screamin', competition. I really do miss it, alot. I have been playin' netball ever since I was in Primary 3, and I carried on till secondary Two. However, due to sum unWELCOMIN' attitude by the ladies, I felt it good I make my move, before I start the ball rollin'. 3 malayu and the rest of the team are Chinese. What do ye expect ? Drop the topic.
And now, I can still feel the ache on my body; my arms in particular. I could not even held the pen/pencil properly. I really do hope, it would be okies by tmL. Hopefully,...
Let's sidetrack shall we?
This is where I rent all my tantrums and anger rite ?
This is where I share my loves rite ?
This is where I tell my lifestories rite ?
Good. Let me spread what I found last few days. I was pretty much reluctant to blog bout the whole thang. I don't want another controversy to spark between me and the X. However, I have been bloggin' bout him ever since my break up. I have been pourin' and cryin' my heart in here before. It has cause sum cold wars between him, cause he have been readin' my blog, and we talked bout it over Msn. Don't worry, I am not gonna restraint ye from readin' it again. And it comes down hard, I have done it before, it ended up in a cold war, that brings me to block him off my contacts, till today. Why not I just blog bout it again huh ?
Yea, ye guessed it. I saw his blog. I read it ALL. And yea, he already has a replacement. I am not sad, nor jealous. Yea, I really am not. Believe me. However, I am happy. Happy that he found a new replacement that would make him a happy guy all over again. That would bring his feet to the right track and that would make him the crazy-funny-boisterous guy all over again. I am really happy for ye man. =))
I was a never good gF to him. It was a one-sided relationship I must say. After few weeks and mths of breakin' up. I have thought thangs thru. I tried my best to have an open mind to see what went wrong, even though, to me it was all a prefect relationship. And, yea, I have found it all out.
I was egoistic. Not a truely understandin' gF. It was all bout me. I have not shown how madly I am in love with him. He was the one who have shown it all those while. And here I was, thinkin' that '' OH ! He damned well know that I love him as much as he loves me. He understands me prefectly well ''. But my dreams, became a bad reality. Basically, I took thangs for granted. I was in my prefect space when he's down there, sturgglin' hard. How silly can I be ?
It was a lesson to learnt, yet a great, huge, lose. I was turely outta my mind after that. I was not studyin'. I was not havin' a good sleep. I was not talkin' and enjoyin' my time with my frens/families. I cried in school. I cried in front of my food. I cried in front of my frens. I was been pulled down, darn hard. I gave myself sum space. I gave myself sum time to think through.
If this goes on, where will I be ?
If he is not the one, what should I do ?
If this goes on, will it bring glory to me in the future ?
If he is movin' on, should I ?
If he is enjoyin', must I ?
If he forgets totally bout me, could I ?
Hundreds of question went through my head. No space for studies. Frens was there throughout the time. Feer, specially. He has been givin' me calls, sweet msges early mornin', he has been givin' me motivational support. He has been there for me, be it in the mornin' or late at nite. I really thanked him for been my support. Thanks mate. =))
Months past, and here I am. Full force. And all ready to face the world. I am not alone. I believe in that. I have my family, I have my kakis , I have Feer, I have larlin, I have tons of frens, that actually, actually stood up with my cries and tantrums during those hectic moments. And not forgetin', Allah.
HE gave me all the strength that I need to face the world now.
HE gave me all the love that I need in my life after he take his leave.
HE gave me all the patience to put up with the set back I faces after the break up.
Thank you Allah.
I am happy for ye. If she is all ye got, changed her if ye must. If she is all ye need, stay strong with her. I am not goin' up against ye for tellin' me different beliefs over Msn that night. Sumone special? Not goin' out with sum other gals ? I know, one day, either me or ye, we are bound to find a replacement. I just know it. And, I have already prepare for it. Prepare to know, prepare to find out, prepare to face, that ye have found yeer other half. If ye have any problems with her, do talk it out with her. Settle all scores, who knows, she is actually all ye got ?
"Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...
What goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes aroundComes all the way back around" -- Adaptation from Justin's song
I find that is damned true. I have heard stories of Karma in relationship, frenship, family-ship, I have experience it before, oh boy..
... it's make me believe in Karma even more
