Friday, April 20, 2007
I was literally draggin' myself to school. I was half asleep and half awake. I was bored to death whenever Betty came on the stage and starts her melody. Untill.... a freen that Akinso and me
I love it when Akinso laugh, and I would turn my head and join in the laughter.
I love it when Friman came up to me and tried to make me laugh till my eyes tear.
I love it when Akinso made funny noises and make Us laugh.
Akinso faced her choir SYF on Tuesday. Went for a great workout for two conservatives days. Wooohoo. Byebye Fats, HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO old-time-sexy-55kg-figure. Muhahah. =xx
I so very much wanted to blog bout my days in school this week, however, conversation with loved one pull me down. Thus, everything that I wanted to blog, seems to flush down the toilet dirty bowl. I felt like cryin' when he told me he have to think twice before making a hard and final decision. It was a dream come true for us;initally. However, when he step back and think hard bout the dream that is RIGHT at his feet, he found out there's much more then just.. dream. There's reality within. Reality that could and would crash his dream. Reality that could and would pull our spirit that was oh-so-high, down. Reality that will betry his dream. Reality that would put us in the stage of fightin'.Me with my hopes held high. His with his mind set to think the right thinks. He mention he would talk bout it soon when he's off from his work. However, he just spilt the beans out and told me all bout his worries. I saw depression and sadness in his eyes. I saw ever lastin' wants in his eyes. I saw his dreams comin' into an end. How I wish I could take that way...
He screamed at me, saying whatever I think, whatever I want is always bout me. I was downhearted ! How could he ? How could he dare said he was ALL bout me ? How could he said I was selfish ? How could he said when I think is all bout MONEY ?!!??!
Where do ye put me in yeer eyes dad ? I was never selfish. I was never the money lover around. I was never thinking bout myself only. I think bout ye. Bout ye wanting that job since forever. It was not all bout money. The only that comes into my mind was all bout YOU. Bout ye want that job, bout ye that could gain more experiences from that job. Bout ye to come out from yeer 5 years of job that bring ye no where even though ye worked yeer ass out. Bout ye when ye said alahkah indahnyer kalau dapat keje itu. It was never EVER bout me. Ye have been werkin' for too long and too hard in yeer current job. Take a step forward and take that job. However, it was not easy...
Illness should not restrain him from doin' what he love. It should not. However, if his illness would be neglected, it would kill him slowly. Oh God, give him yeer love. Haiz. I just do not know what to do. Do not know what to say. Do not know how to feel. Happy that he would be stayin', or sad when my loved one dream would be crash cause of one DAMNED illness ? Illness that we could all take control.
It brings me down even more, when he leaned forward, and kiss my cheeck just like he always did, and comes with it was..
... " doa lah untuk ayah, supaya ayah dapat beri respond yang benar dan betul "
